Monday, August 31, 2009


Does the anxiety ever go away?

Every time we have to make a change with Lillian I start having anxiety attacks. I dropped her off at the new sitter this morning and leaving was so hard. Not because I don't think she will be well taken care of, or that I don't think the girl can handle it or anything like that. I drove away thinking, did I tell her everything? Did I remember to tell her about the frozen binkies? Did I tell her she likes to sleep on her belly or that she likes to have her Pooh when she sleeps? Did I remember to tell her that the NUK bottles some times take her longer to eat? Stuff like that.

And I always feel horrible because I can't bring myself to take her out of her seat in the morning to hug and kiss her goodbye. I'm affraid if I picked her up again I wouldn't let go.

So that brings me to the yearly camping trip our friends have. We call it "Adult Weekend" This is because everyone finds a sitter for the kids and camp out and drink and have a blast. This was actually the weekend that Lillian was conceived! Anyway, we normally only go for one night because of the dogs. Well I don't know if I want to go at all this year. I get anxious just thinking about leaving Lillian for the night. Like right now there is this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I mean I know that she will be fine, I mean my om is going to take care of her and well I'm here aren't I? My problem is that I get so little time with her that I hate to leave her with some one else when I don't have to. On the other hand, I know that it's ok to get away some times and I know that if I don't go I will regret it because either way B is going and I can't blame him.

Will I ever feel like I spend enough time with her?

On the plus side she is getting so smart, I'm going to try and load a video of her learning out to press the buttons on her exersaucer.

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