Hit My Limit

I totally hit my limit with B yesterday.

Monday night he went fishing with his buddies from 2 until 9:30 while I took care of Lillian and the dogs and got groceries. Not to mention on top of that Lillian was having the pooping troubles and was pretty much miserable for 2 hours. When he got home at 9:30 it was only to tell me that he had to take his friend home who live a half hour away. I got upset and told him so and he said "why? It's not like I want to take him." I said "Cause I could really use your help, I didn't get to go out and have fun tonight." (the groceries, minus the milk, were still sitting on the floor from 2 hours earlier) and he says to me "Well I didn't have much fun." Like I'm supposed to care, it was his choice to go, not my fault it rained. He came home apologetic.

Yesterday morning he asked me if he can golf this weekend in a tournament. I explained our tight money situation and he kept trying to come up with excuses that he could so finally I said well it's more than about money and I don't want you to. He wrote back to me that it's fine he has to call Tommy (the guy that asked him to golf) about bowling this season anyway. So apparently he's told all his buddies that he's going to bowl with them again this year without even caring what I have to say. We've talked about it several times and he knows I don't want him to, but he's going to do it anyway.After saying he had to call Tommy about bowling we had this text conversation...
Me: You that's something we need to discuss
B: discuss what? how's your day going
Me: bowling, I feel antsy
B: well bowling starts in a month and we already have to find 1 guy so its kinda screwed up, y antsy?
Me: because we need to talk about stuff like bowling and money and other recreations
B:well I don't know
Me: don't know what?
B: about the bowling thing. the $ I save from not smoking should be enough to cover that
Me: Its not about $ completely and I haven't been giving you $ for smokes (I get all the $ then just give him what he needs and pay the bills)
B: whatever
Gee and he wonders why I'm antsy.

That was the last I heard from until I got home. And boy was he miserable! I understand he does physical labor in the heat and its tiring, but that doesn't mean that my job isn't stressful and tiring also. So knowing that I was unhappy he helped me out a lot last night. I even got to take a 20 minute shower and shave my legs and everything, before 9pm!!! But when we went to bed I thanked him for all his help, and said but we still need to talk. I told him I'm hurt, I feel like he never wants to be home and spend time with us. He just got mad at me and basically stopped listening to me. He got out of bed and went and sat on the porch. I followed him. He said something about working all day and being tired and I said I work too, and these days I feel like I work 24/7. He said I don't have to worry about anything anymore and I said that's just it I worry about everything. And then he wouldn't talk to me any more. I didn't even get everything out I wanted to say, but I don't really know if I want to keep this going right now or if I want to just wait and see what happens.

He was ok this morning after he realized he was going to have to be the one to make the first sign of wanting to interact. Then he asked me around 8:30 if we had plans because his friend needs to work on his roof tonight and wants his help and have a cookout. I just wrote him back "whatever, but this is exactly what I'm talking about" He said he doesn't really want to go, but said he would ask. I feel torn cause I want him to help his friend, I like his friend and his family, but I want my family time. I told him I don't want to go I want family time and especially if Lillian needs to get a shot today.

Oh yeah I almost forgot, Lillian was exposed to chicken pox on Monday, the little girl was holding her so it was a close exposure. And on top of that she's teething.

And to add to the stress when I got to work this morning I had an email saying the loan for the house may be falling through because we make too much money.

And I thought today was going to be better...

Ahh and all is right with the world again, at least until I close this page!