One of my favorite quotes is "If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain," by Steven Wright. It's so true.
I read a blog today from a woman who is going to take a break from her blog and one of the reasons is because she feels bad posting her honest feelings about being a mommy. Cause lets face it, there are rough times that come with being a mommy. I told myself from the beginning of this blog that I would never sugar coat how I feel and I'd be completely honest, which I have done.
The thing is though, I look back now, to after my miscarriage and realize that I was one of those women who couldn't imagine how some one could complain about being a mommy. And truthfully I want to smack myself upside the head and say "get real girl, it's not all sunshine and rainbows!" It doesn't matter how much you want to become a mommy and what you go through to get there, the reality is that being a mommy isn't always easy and it comes with a lot of emotions, and most of the time its a constant roller coaster. And I'm guessing even more so when you've had to wait in line for that roller coaster longer than most.
What those women don't seem to realize is that just because we have a complaint it doesn't mean that we aren't over the moon to be able to have something to complain about. Every rough moment I have as a mommy is always blanketed by the fact that I love my little girl more than anything in the world and would do anything for her. I really wish I could come up with a great metaphor, but I can't, there is just nothing that compares to the love and yes frustration of being a mommy. That being said, I'm gonna rant a little bit, after all that is why I made this blog private.
On Sunday we went to my FIL's house for a cookout to celebrate his birthday. His wife is the MIL that I seem to have issues with. Well Aunt J (my MIL's sister) walks in and realizes I'm there with Lillian and says "Oh I am going to get to see her again before she graduates!" I just kind of laugh it off. Then she sees me taking pictures of Lillian and says "Maybe after today there will be pictures of her and this set of grandparents on her website?" I said "Maybe, if I have enough energy to take the pictures." Then after the BBQ we are sitting in the living room and I'm picking up Lillian's toys and Aunt J says "boy do I remember what it's like having to pack up a diaper bag to go some where, what a pain."
Here's my bitch, she never calls to see what we are doing, and I know she frequents the bar (not like an alcoholic or anything, but she normally stops in for one or two with her friends after work), why doesn't call and say "hey would it be ok if I stopped over for a bit?" or "what are you up to tonight, thought maybe we could visit for a few minutes?" But no, instead she just bitches about not getting to see her, even when she knows what a pain in the ass it is to take her somewhere (meaning packing toys and clothes and all the "in case" stuff). And as for pictures with the grandparents, it's not my fault that when they stop by to see her it's normally almost bed time and the last thing I feel like doing is take pictures. And we don't normally go visit on the weekends cause all they do is sit around and watch TV. If she really looked at the pictures with the other grandparents she'd realize they are on the boat, in the pool, or doing something. And my mom invites us over for dinner all the time, they don't, not my fault. I'm not going to call up and say "Hey do you want to cook us dinner? I'll bring Lillian over if you do!" And besides that it can be a pain to pack her up so why would I want to do it more than I have to!
Ok only one more rant and then I'll stop torturing you! I didn't work Monday cause I was sick so I kept Lillian home with me. Well yesterday when I dropped her off to Nana, she asked "how are things coming along with a new sitter?" (like she has been for about a week now). I told I planned on stopping at the day care center in the after noon to see if they have heard anything. So she says "Oh ok, cause we are leaving Monday for vacation." I was in shock, how could she tell me only a week before she's leaving?!?! And she doesn't even know how long she's going to be gone, a week, a month, they haven't decided yet. Not that it really matters cause once she's done this week she will be done for good, even if I have to take time off from work. Yesterday when I picked Lillian up it was over 80* out and Nana had her in long sleeves and pants. Yes the house was closed up and the fan was on, but I was still warm in there and it isn't the first time she's done this. At first I thought maybe she messed her clothes and that's all that was left, but nope, no dirty clothes.
Then when I took her out of her seat at the day care center I realized she smelled like baby powder, I don't use anything on her that smells like baby powder and especially NOT POWDER. It's suggested to wait until they are a year old before using powder because their respiratory system can't handle the powder. And she wonder's why she sounds congested and raspy some times, probably because she has powder in her throat! The way I would be as a sitter, I wouldn't give or use anything on the baby that the mother hadn't requested or it wasn't in the diaper bag. It makes me wonder if she started giving Lillian cereal even though I told her I wasn't yet. Oh and she seems to second guess everything my pediatrician says.
On a positive note, I'm interviewing a lady tomorrow afternoon to start watching Lillian, and the even better news is that Lillian would be the only child other than her own and she can start next week!
But my little angel is worth all the stress cause the little smile she gives me and the coos when she's done breastfeeding are worth any stress in the world!
Here she is loving her time with Pop-Pop and Great-Grandma...