Finding the Words...

I don't know if I can even begin to explain to you how I felt last night. Its kind of strange because I wasn't as upset as the night before, but then again that may just be cause I had let out some of the frustration already.


After picking Lillian up from the sitter's we went to visit with her Nana, who thankfully agreed to watch her again until I can find permanent day care. B called while we were there to say he was home and getting in the shower. So we headed home. B was just getting in the shower, but Nana had given her a bottle so she let me take care of the pumped milk and then we played, but she decided she was still hungry so she ate some more. By the time she was finished it was 6:30 and B had fallen asleep on the couch. So I put her in her exersaucer so I could start making dinner. B woke up though when I smashed my finger in the lazy susan cupboard door. He got me ice and went back to the couch. I said to him "you can take her in there and play with her if you want" he says "well I can't lift that thing with her in it." And I told him "just slide it on the floor" so he did. He played with her for a while and then said to me "I think she's getting tired." So I gave him the option of giving her a bath or watching dinner in the oven and doing the dishes. He chose dinner. Sop I got her ready for bed and dinner was just coming out of the oven. Of course now she wanted to eat. So B looks at me and says do you mind if I eat? I said "no, but if you get my food I can eat too." So he gets my food, but brings me a knife to cut my own meat. Whatever, I eat my potatoes and when she is done eating I ask him to take her so I can finish eating. He reluctantly took her because he's never put her to bed before so he doesn't know how she likes to be held or anything, so I set him up and went back to my dinner. And believe it or not she fell asleep! I thanked him and took her to bed. Then I went out to the kitchen and started doing dishes (from dinner and the bottles cause he didn't do those). He came out and apologized for not doing them. Then he grabbed a pudding and went back to the livingroom. After a few minutes I hear Lillian screaming and I look at him and say "Is she crying?" And he looks at me and says "Oh yeah". I was pissed, she never screams like that because I don't let her wake up enough to scream like that, all she wants is her binkie back and she isn't doing that herself yet. But at any rate, he was in the livingroom with the monitor and I was in the kitchen standing in front of an air conditioner running on high and running water and I heard her but he didn't? I don't even know the words to explain how upset I was with him. She never just starts screaming like that. I didn't say anything though cause I probably would have said some things I couldn't take back and it would have been bad. I showed him how to calm her down and went back to the dishes. He got her calmed down and back to sleep and came out and said "I'm going to bed, are you coming?" I had just started washing the bottles and I said "No I have to finish this and then shower." He's like "you're showering? Why, just wait til morning." Me, "Umm I'm showering cause it's been almost 2 days and I'm gross and I don't have time in the morning." Do you think he offered to finish the bottles? Nope definitely not! He was asleep when I got out of the shower...


Sorry for the rants two days in a row, I promise I'll stop and have something happy tomorrow, I hope, I meet with the bank today.


Here's another eyefull of my cutie pie...