- Lack of being pregnant (both my loss and not being pregnant again)
- In debt
- My body
- Smoking (no lectures please)
- Wanting a house
Now I can't say which of these is the actual cause of my depression, but all combined makes me want run and hide. Now the question is where do I begin fixing these problems?
- There is nothing I can do about being losing my baby or getting pregnant again. This is just something I am going to have to deal with.
- Being in debt started with our honeymoon where we overspent and then having things at home take a crap on us. I also have no one but myself to blame for this problem because I pay the bills and pretty much dictate how our money is spent. DH signs his check every week and hands it to me. I suppose this is a good place to start.
- My body, again no one to blame but me. Problem is if I'm going to start saving money and get us out of debt we can't afford all that health food or a gym membership. I may just have to make it part of our budget. Sad thing, I can't remember the last meal I cooked that was healthy. These days they are just whatever is around or take out.
- Smoking. I know it's terrible for me and decreases the chances of conceiving, but the stress got to me. I had quit for 6 months or more and then Brian started smoking again and when AF showed last month, well I just couldn't take it. Some how I manage not to smoke for 2 weeks and then when AF arrives I break. Time to go back to the doctor, but again it's money. The damn prescription for Chantix, which I think is wonderful, is $100 for a month supply. You'd think the insurance company would pay most of it, but it's still $100.
- Last but not least I want a house so bad. I'm afraid we are never going to get there with the amount of debt we have. By no means are we at a point where we need credit counseling or anything, but with the prices of everything going up we can't actually save anything. I don't know what I would have done if we didn't pay off our camper loan with our tax money.
So here I sit wondering where to start. I think maybe first I should find a gym so that I can price that into my budget. Then I can do my budget. Of course quitting smoking will help immensely with the budget too, but it's so hard when DH smokes all the time. At the same time I also understand that when a person quits it needs to be for them, not for any other reason. Maybe I can make an appointment with my Dr. for this and talk to him about getting pregnant at the same time. I say this but probably won't make the appointment, who knows though, maybe I'll surprise myself. And I guess once all this stuff falls into place my house will come. Maybe I'll feel better if we can actually get the place we have cleaned up first. Its a disaster area because I've just stopped caring and that's not right!
I hope I can get out of this slump soon. I miss my family, but at the same time don't even feel like being around them. My sister leaves for college on the 20th and I haven't even talked to her in almost 3 weeks. That's just wrong of me!