HOPE

That is going to be the topic of today's post. There are so many ways I want to use that word right now, I have hope and have lost hope at the same time.

But most of all I'm afraid of hope. Yes I still have hope that this cycle worked (AF hasn't arrived yet), but I've also lost hope, like every other cycle. I'm afraid to hope and be optimistic because the let down is so much larger then. I don't mind falling of the 1st step, but falling from the top of the stairs hurts. I always have hope in the beginning, when I start climbing the stairs, but by the time I start wanting to test, I make my hope fade into the background and let failure take over.

So as of today I am in the gray area of limbo. If anyone ever wonders what if feels like to be between two different time dimensions, just TTC for one cycle. You'll know when you're there! I feel like I'm torn in two, my heat wants to be hopeful and believe that I may really be pregnant, but my brain says "you idiot, it didn't work last month and you had way more sex!"

Thanks so much to everyone who is keeping their fingers and everything else (not your legs for those TTC I hope) crossed. I really appreciate it. I'm guessing that tomorrow morning I will be posting to let you know if it worked or not. (Not that you keeping you fingers crossed really has anything to do with me getting pregnant, but you know what I mean.)

So until then, I'm going to the bathroom every 20 minutes to check the TP, just kidding... But I do seem to be going more