Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The New Plan

Well I finally vented all my fears to B over the last two nights. The first night it took me breaking down like a little girl. The Conversation:

Me: Yeah I've just been down today.
B: How come, what's wrong?
Me: Well I've been thinking about having a baby and getting pregnant.
B: Well you can't let that get you down. It will happen

Then my eyes burn a whole thru the back of his head because the man must be crazy to say something like that to his wife during their 9th month TTC.

Later when I roll over to go to sleep I'm thinking about his totally stupid and uncalled for remark and I get so angry I start crying. He rolls over and says of course

B: what's wrong?
Me: What the hell do you think is wrong? I told you earlier, but apparently you being Mr. totally oblivious to what I go thru every month didn't want to talk about it. Even though I've been bottling it up for days. So don't worry about it I'll just sit here and cry myself to sleep, again.

OK so I didn't really say that, he wrapped me in his arms and let me cry and I told him about how I didn't want to stress him so I didn't tell him I was Oing and that it backfired and made me more stressed and I worry about him feeling used and that August is going to be a really hard month for me.

He really was great, he said he never feels used and that he doesn't care if he gets stressed out cause he hates seeing me stressed out.

So then last night we are sitting at dinner in Friendly's and I tell him that I don't plan on temping next month. He thought I was kidding. Then I explained that 1 week after I get my dreaded visitor we are going to start BDing every other day for 2 weeks. He seemed happy with that and I think I am to. I really think it may help on the stress issues I've been having. Now I just have to make sure he sticks to it. I may have to send him a text during the day on CD 8 or something, but I think we can make this work!


  1. I just read this and your previous posts and wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your baby. I am sure the stress of trying hard now makes the feelings of panic and desparation even worse, and then that affects everything. I'm sorry people say to you, "relax, it'll happen." I know that must anger you. I also know that your hubby will soon learn what is sensitive and what is not. Bless their hearts, they really try to understand, but there is no getting inside our minds. I remember feeling so alone with those feelings of panic and even my husband didn't seem to understand me. He chose to believe the doctor..that it was some unfortunate, random event, loosing our first child, and it would eventually happen for us. I once had someone say to me that "you have to remember the wine and candles b/c your soul is involved in conceiving." I scoffed at it. The truth is, when you feel this way, all romance goes out the window and it becomes a mission. I'm curious if you've read Taking Charge of your Fertility, and if you use I'm guessing you have and do since you said you are charting. Those two things helped give me back some resemblance of control, even if it is an illusion. And every time AF shows, it is a betrayal of your body, and it just sucks. I'm so sorry for your stress. But I do understand how charting and temping and OPK's can increase stress levels, so I think your plan of taking a break is a good one. The only thing I'd recommend is to temp a little just to be sure you do may not ovulate until after two weeks..and that's even if you've always ovulated within two weeks every other cycle of your life. The stress of TTC, I think, does affect your cycle (even though other sources says it does not). I did not ovulate until day 36 on my current cycle..and there was no outside stress factors I knew of other than TTC and I'd never been that delayed before. Just some very long-winded assvice from someone who is hoping very hard for you. Much love to you.

    Oh, and about those "are you pregnant" questions! I find it very interesting tha two women would dare to ask that! I know most men know better. I'm sorry that happened too, and I'm sorry for the insensitive "It's okay." "No, lady, I'll decide if it's okay, not you, thank you very much!!!!" Arrg!!!

  2. oh i hope it works for you this month with your non-temping plan. we are on month 8 (or 9?!) and it is stressful and my hubs definatly doesn't realize the stress on me at times either. but he is a trouper as well - and will do anything i ask of him!

    sending lots of babydust your way



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