Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Auto Pilot

That's how I'm feeling this morning. I know I said I'd be happier today, but I'm just not. I feel like I'm slipping into that monthly depression. AF has not arrived and I haven't had any more cramping, but I think it's over. At least that's what I'm telling myself. Depsite the raw feeling nipples and this bloated feeling like my belly is going to explode, I think it's over. And now I just wish it would end so that my poor DH might be able to get lucky on his Birthday. Our sex life has sucked this month and I think it's cause of my mood, that he goes to bed at 7:30 or doesn't feel good, maybe he's pregnant?!?!

How do you go back to being nieve? You know when you just thought that you had sex once and you could get pregnant. Not knowing it had to be during a certain time in your cycle and that there is a two week wait or that your temperature changes with ovulation. Some times I wish I didn't learn about that stuff before we start TTC and did the whole if it happens it happens thing. I want to go back to that now, but I can't. How can you stop paying attention to your cycle when you've been keeping track of every detail for so long?

I read a post this morning that said "What month do you want to have your baby?" Um hello, I don't really give two shits what month, I just want my miracle, it can come whenever it wants, hopefully sooner rather than later. Of course August would have been nice, but my baby wouldn't have made it in this world so s/he isn't coming in August.

Here's to hoping I'm just being emotional and hormonal cause I'm pregnant...


  1. I will be thinking of you. Be well.

  2. Hello from ICLW.

    Yes, as you know from stopping by my blog, once you fall into the infertility realm you can never get back that blissful state when you thought having sex = baby.

    To think of all the birth control I wasted money on... sigh.

    Good luck to you no matter how this month turns out!

  3. Ugh. I know it's hard.... but like my dad said 'this too shall pass'. It took Aaron and I 3 years to get and STAY pregnant, and it's funny how quickly the pain of TTC goes away. I can't even tell you the agony I was in when month after month, I wasn't pregnant. We all understand where you are coming from!

    Wishing you lots of luck this month!

  4. Visiting from ILCW and sending my best for your BFP soon.

  5. The ignorance of some of the newbie posters never ceases to amaze me. Like you, I learned about TTC before I actually was I never went through that blissful period of naivete where we could say, "Let's just stop using protection and let things happen when they will."

  6. Ummm. I want my baby in May of 2008!!! (no I did not mistype--that I what I was aiming for though)

  7. Hi, over from ICLW,

    I agree, sometimes it would be nice to have the romance and innocence back. Those were the days.

  8. I am hoping too that it's not AF coming at your door!!!!

    Yes, I can so relate to what you said about your sex life being so yucky!

    I am yodelling so loud for you now!!!!!!!!!!

  9. I hate that phase. It's sort of like a void of nothingness. Nothing to celebrate but you can't be officially miserable until AF arrives. I hope that AF doesn't make her appearance.

    Sorry to hear of your loss, it must be so hard coming up to the month of your angel baby's birth month.


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