I Could Cry

Last night I had been thinking over and over about if I wanted to test or not. Finally while we were eating dinner I decided that if I had a test I may as well use it. So I told B "If I have a test I'm going to test in the morning." I could see the wheels turning in his mind so I said "To see if our sex marathon worked." He just said "Oh, ok."

Men just don't get how taxing it is on a woman to see BFN after BFN and how scary it is to sit there waiting by yourself. So I found a test, but it was a First Response, not a cheap dollar store test like what I was hoping to find. I wasn't sure I wanted to use it. Those suckers are expensive you know. But I put that and a cup out anyway, just in case I changed my mind.

Before going to bed I decided that if my temp went up in the morning and I had no signs of AF or anything that I would test.

**Warning, if you don't want to know personal information skip to the end**

This morning when I took my temp I had to check it 3 times before I was sure I read it right. I mean it was 4am and the only light was the TV. I went in looked at the test and decided well, I'll pee in the cup, still unsure of if I wanted to test or not.

There was no sign of AF when I wiped so I decided to check my cervix. Low, hard and closed. I don't know what I was thinking, that it would be a sure sign or something, but whatever.

So I bit the bullet, opened the test and dipped it. I watched it for a second and wasn't even sure it was going to process. I went and put the toothpaste on my toothbrush and started brushing my teeth. I wandered back over to the table by the toilet where the test was sitting and looked to see if it even processed.

**This is the end**

So it's tears of joy I could cry. Please pray that this little bean sticks. We certainly aren't out of the woods yet.