Monday, June 6, 2011


That's the technical term for what I was diagnosed with a week ago and I still don't really know how I feel about it.

Some times I feel hopeful and other times I'm quite depressed. At one point I had a list going on my computer with a list of all the emotions I was feeling and why, but then the breaker blew here at work and that list is gone.

I think my 3 most prominent feels are Depression/Sadness, Denial, and hopeful.

Yeah weird combination right? I'm very sad and depressed to be in this situation. I just can't stop thinking about how all I've ever wanted was to be a mom and the thought that it would be a problem never crossed my mind. Which puts me in denial that I will only have one baby girl. I refuse to believe that I will never have another baby. So, I am hopeful that since the contrast dye from the HSG was able to be pushed through my tubes that the fluid will also be able to escape and my ultrasound next month will show little to no fluid. Or maybe I'll even win the lottery and my ultrasound next month will be to make sure I don't have a tubal pregnancy rather than to check for fluid.

What frustrates me the most is that I can't seem to find much information about treatment online. I have found lots of definitions and causes, but not much about treatment. I was assuming that when my OB said in extreme cases the tubes are removed and then IVF is used, but I didn't realize that besides that there isn't much that can be done. I have found a few sites that reference a massage type treatment where they manipulate your tubes to free blockages, but I don't know if it works for fluid. I've also seen a few mentions of larposcopy to clear the tubes of blockages, but again I'm not sure that applies to fluid. I feel like my ultrasound on July 11th is forever away. I just keep picturing fluid flowing out of my tubes and praying that it clears up.

I have also been dealing with lots of pregnancy news lately. While I am over the moon for my brother who's second little girl will be arriving on the 22nd, and for my friend who has been TTC for about as long as I have, who just got her BFP this week, I'm admittedly completely jealous of both of them.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Your ramblings...