4 Week Random Thoughts

Well, maybe they aren't quite random cause they are consuming my brain, but to you they will probably seem random.

Having experienced a miscarriage with my first pregnancy, taking 9 months to get pregnant again, and then 19 months to get pregnant a second time, well I'm sure you can imagine it's a whirlwind of emotions in me, or I was expecting it to be.

With my first pregnancy, I didn't know miscarriage was so common. And although we told everyone at 5 weeks I didn't feel like I was going to have a baby. It just didn't feel real to me. I don't know if it was subconscious or what, but I wasn't all that shocked when I lost the baby at 7 weeks. Something just didn't feel right.

With Lillian, it felt right. I had moments where I felt like the other foot was going to drop, but generally I felt like I was going to have a baby. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I feel that way this time too. I feel like I'm going to be having a baby. It seems real to me that in March (or if it's anything like Lillian in February) I will be bringing home a new member to our family.

What is getting me though is how I will feel if this does become a nightmare and not the wonderful dream it is right now. I'm feeling so much confidence in this pregnancy, even with an increased chance of miscarriage from the fluid, that if it does happen I will crushed, devastated, inconsolable.

Enough of that. I'm so happy and excited because I WILL be bringing home a baby (a boy I think) next year.

So for this pregnancy I have decided I'm am going to be active. I am going to keep my weight down! With Lillian I was so scared that exercising and such in the beginning was going to make me lose her that I didn't do it. Then by the time I thought it would be ok, I just didn't have the energy to get back into it. So this time, things are going to be different. Although I'm going to take a step back and only jog and walk, I'm going to continue to do my morning work outs paying closer attention to my heart rate and how hot I am. This morning I went 1.8 miles on the treadmill. I'm also going to make sure that what I eat is healthy, and not just carbs. I can tell already that the nausea I had with Lillian (which was all day) is going to be nothing compared to what I'm going to have this time. I'm pretty sure I've been having it since the day this bean started to implant and it's only starting to last longer. If anyone has good suggestions to for easy to bring to work snacks that are good for nausea, I'd love to hear them!

I guess I'll stop rambling now. I did weigh myself this morning and will update every week on how things are going.