Friday, July 1, 2011

The Ups and Downs

Yes, I think that roller coaster is shaped about like the emotional one I'm riding is. After my post yesterday I started to feel guilty, or something. I started to feel like, maybe I should be more worried, maybe I'm kidding myself. While I still feel rather confident that this pregnancy is going to go to 37 weeks, I'm paying way too much attention to what I am or am not feeling.

After my post yesterday I cramped most of the morning. This had me scared. It was like the bake breaking, just kill me now cramps I get with AF, but it was there and it was constant. Now did I maybe manifest these cramps because all of a sudden I was doubting my positive feeling? Possibly. I mean come on now, I've had no problem manifesting pregnancy symptoms in the past.

During the day I had decided I was going to tell my grandparents that I was pregnant. They live in NC (14 hours from me) and we only see them a few times a year. This was something I was very excited to tell them in person rather than a card and a phone call like last time. But by the time the after noon arrived I was thinking, but if something goes wrong I will have to tell them and I don't want to have to tell them something like that like I did before. But I sucked it up and told them anyway. It made me realize besides you Internets how few people really know what B and I have been going through for the last year and a half.

My grandmother said to me "Someone was just asking me the other day when I thought you would have another one. I told them I didn't know. Maybe you liked the age difference between you and your sister (7 years) and you were waiting." I told her "No, we've actually been trying for a year and a half." And she just kind of looked at me like "Oh". She did understand though why we aren't really telling people, or Lillian.

I'm so excited to tell Lillian because she has been around enough pregnancies and is old enough now to understand that when a girl has a baby in her belly, eventually there is a new baby to play with. And she LOVES new babies.

As for this very moment, I'm confident. It may have something to do with nausea/indigestion I've had for 3 hours now. I'm not complaining though, I'll take whatever symptoms I can get for the next 8 weeks and more.

And I want to leave you with this. Child Bearing Hips posted this link on her blog and I think it is worth sharing. When some one goes through a rough time in life, the most important thing is to be there for them. You may not know what to say or do, but the wrong thing is better than nothing.

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations again! It's so normal to feel so many different conflicting emotions. I've had two miscarriages and I know the pain, I know the fear and I now the anxiety those first weeks. I learned to let go and just enjoy each moment.

    Cramping is totally normal. The more times I've been pregnant, the more noticeable I think the cramps are. Maybe because the uterus is like a balloon that's been stretched time and again; it just gets easier for it to grow with each new pregnancy! My sister-in-law AND a friend of mine are both newly pregnant and BOTH had to ask me if the cramping was normal because theirs were intense.

    I think past miscarriages just make us hyper-sensitive to each twinge and pull we feel. I'm SO SO SO excited for you Brandi! I cannot wait to follow you on your journey to holding baby #2 in your arms!


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