Measuring Time

We all measure time. Some times it's a count down to an event or date. Like I've been counting down to my sister's 21st birthday. Which is now only 5 days away (counting today)! And some times we measure by saying "it's been # weeks since..." Did you know it's been 26 weeks since Christmas???

It's strange that I can pretty much remember every cycle that I truly thought I was pregnant. I know it's been 26 weeks since Christmas because my friend got her BFP on Christmas. I can't believe she's 30 weeks already! This also means that if I had been pregnant like I would have swore I was on New Years, I would be 29 weeks now. I still remember the day AF showed up and the feeling of defeat I had and wondering if I had been imagining all those symptoms.

I have been doing quite well this cycle trying not to think about things. Of course it helps that I've been feeling weak and tired anyway. But since Wednesday and Thursday last week, it has been difficult to not wonder. See I was 5 and 6 dpo and had some spotting. Nothing like AF, just a few brown spots on the TP. Now of course I was also dealing with a YI (and if you don't know what that is, you probably don't want to). Anyway, this weekend I've had a few pains in my cervix that stopped me in my tracks and made me take deep breaths. If this means anything, I have no idea, but at 12 weeks with Lillian I went to the ER because I was having cervical pain and was worried about a miscarriage. In any event I've had some very slight come and go cramping, could be AF, could be my imagination, could be just about anything. I am going to try my best and hold out until Thursday before I test. And I'm also going to try and convey my daily thoughts and feelings to you, the internets, if hopes of shedding some light on the emotions an infertile goes through.

Happy Monday everyone. I could really use any baby dust you have to spare.