Wow Its Been a While

I can't believe I haven't posted since she was 6 months old, and here we are only a week away from her being 8 months old!  She's getting so big and I don't even know where to begin with all the changes she has made.   She has a tooth now and hopefully a second one coming through any day now, but who knows it took forever for the first one to pop through.  She is constantly on her hands and knees and/or toes.  She pretty much rolls to get wherever she wants to go so the doc said she may never crawl for real and just skip ahead to walking.  She has started to try and pull herself up on things, but she doesn't quite have the hang of it yet.  Unless it's your hands.  And man is she a wiggle worm when we are trying to watch a movie or something.  She now says Dada and is starting to really understand what it means.  She also started screaming out Maaaa when she cries and is upset.  We are still exclusively breastfeeding and it seems to be going well.  I freak out that my supply is going to dry up, but she seems to be happy and she's eating more and more solids.  She loves chewing on pizza crust and toast.  And she love the yogurt melts from gerber. She just learned how to get them in her mouth today.  She's been able to pick them up, just not get them into her mouth cause they are smaller.

Here are some bullets on other happenings in my life:

• We finally bought our house and have moved!  Not all the painting and such is done, but we are in, it looks decent and we are happy.  And we even have our tree up!  I'll post pictures some day.
• I almost lost my job a few months ago and this is why I haven't posted.  My internet usage is monitored closely.  Yeah it was my fault and I knew I was doing wrong, but I was trying to ease my anxiety of being back at work.  Since then I've been back to the doctor a few times and I'm now in addition to my antidepressants I'm also on anti-anxiety meds.  They seem to be helping though.
• I don't get much sleep these days and it's not because of Lillian.  I have these crazy dreams that are constantly waking me up, and my anxiety of too much to do and not enough time.  Both are things I just need to get used to.  I talked to the doc this week and he said he could give me drugs to help me sleep and not dream, but the sleep wouldn't be any more restful because of the side effects of the meds.
• I've started thinking about baby number two, but I just don't know where I'm at yet.  I'm very hurt that in a week it will be 8 months since my husband and I have had sex.  And no, it's not for a lack of trying.  I gave up back in August though when I said to him "we have the house to our selves for a few hours, lets go to the bedroom" he said "I have to call Shaun, maybe we can leave early"  And just last month I surprised him and got a sitter and we went to dinner alone and talked and I told him that it was starting to bother me emotionally that we hadn't had sex.  Yup still no sex and I'm really starting to feel down about myself.  I'm almost to the point that I don't know if I even want to have sex just because I feel like he'd be doing it cause I'm upset, not because he wants to.  I understand that he does a lot of physical labor all day, but shouldn't the thought of being intimate with your wife be enough to give you the energy for sex a leat once a month?!

Well I suppose I better get to bed now, with my luck Lillian will have me up in a few hours.  If you want to keep closer tabs on me feel free to friend me on Facebook. 
Brandi Hollenbeck

6 Months Old!

I can't believe my baby girl is 6 months old already! Time is really
flying by and I know the next two months are going to go even faster! Only
4 weeks til Thanksgiving! Boy I better start on my Christmas shopping, and
Lilly's Christmas list that the grandparents are already asking for!

Anyway, on to Lillian's Stats:

Length: 26.25" (5.75 in since birth and 1.25 since her 4 month appt)
Weight: 16lbs 10oz (8lbs 6oz since birth and 10oz since last month)

And her skills are just amazing. Just days after turning 5 months she
could all of a sudden sit up all by herself. It pretty much happened over
night and now I can sit her on the floor to play for a good half hour. I
still put a pillow behind her just because once in a while she will arch to
see what a noise was and fall back, but she's amazing! We are also going
to be in very big trouble soon as she is starting to learn to crawl!!! She
can get up on all fours no problem and has learned to push herself
backwards. It's only going to be a matter of time before she is going in
the right direction.

This month we bought Lillian a jumperoo and a walker. She loves to jump!!!
Every time the music turns on she goes crazy. She likes the walker some
days and once again, only goes backwards, but it excites her so that's all
that matters.

She has also started eating solid foods. She's had peaches, carrots,
squash, green beans and bananas. She loves them all but the green beans,
but she even eats those if you mix them with her carrots. She typically
gets one new food a week so I think the rest of this month will consist of
Apples, Sweet Potatoes and Turkey. I mean you can't not have turkey on
Thanksgiving. I don't really like turkey and I still eat some on
Thanksgiving!

Well that's all I have time for now, I'll try and post some pictures too…

First time with a sippy cup
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Look what I can do!
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I can do it mom...
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More to come at a later date...

Way Over Due!

Yes I know I'm behind, but I'm now a busy mommy! I really can't believe my little girl is 5 months old, she's growing so fast!

This months stats:
Length: 26in (78% - 5.5 inches from birth)
Wieght: 16lbs (90% - up 7lb 12oz from birth)

She had rice cereal for the first time this month, she hates it, it's too plain.

Lilly started a new sitter this month and she loves it there! There are 2 little boys there with her, 8 months and 2 year and she just adores them!

Lilly watched her first football game, as you can see in some of the pictures, the Bills upset her as much as they do the rest of us.

She also spent her first night away from mommy and daddy. I would definitely say it was harder on me than it was on her.

I think that's about it for this month, my little girl is slowing growing up...Here are some of my favorite pics...

No One had told her the score yet...

Droolin Fool...

My Sick Little girl

She's a ham for the camera

I may be bias but I think she's addorable.  I'm not big on kittens but I love this outfit.

Another First...

But I'm not going to say this one was a good one, for the first time last night Lillian...

Bit my boob!!!  OMG it hurt so bad and she doesn't even have teeth yet!  I instinctively yelled no and pulled from her grasp and you know what she did, bit me again!  This time I kept my nipple away for a few minutes and she started to fuss.  When I gave it back she was nice though.

Oh and last night during bath time she was experimenting with a little dixie cup.  It was so funny cause she knew she would get water if she put it to her mouth, but she was so confused by not having to suck.  She'd put it to her mouth get water, then pull it away looking all puzzled.  It was the cutest thing!

And last but not least...

Actual Cost of Having Lillian:
Mommy's doctor................$3520
Lillian's doctor....................$820
Mommy's Hospital Bill........$5921
Lillian's Hospital Bill............$1944
Total..................................$12,205

What mommy paid (is paying).....$1,497

Being able to post these pictures...

Priceless

Bad Blogger

Well, it's been well over a week since I last posted, and that wasn't a good post.  So here we go...

To follow up on my last post, Nana has stopped "dropping by" the new sitter's.  I felt really bad when T said that she made her feel incompetant, but I told her not to worry cause she did the same thing to me and I had complete faith in her abilities.  Then my mom talked to Nana and she said that she just can't do it any more. 

Last weekend was full of first for Lillian and I.  We spent our first night apart!  I cried on the way to drop her off at her grandma's and B was a great help in comforting me.  I basically had to run out of the house once we got things set up for her.  And then I had a beer.  The night wasn't as good as we wanted it to be, but we had fun.  At 3 am I woke up wishing we could go home.  And in all reality we could have, but that would have meant packing up the tent in the dark and bailing out on helping with clean up in the morning and I didn't think that was right.  Lillian did great for her grandma and her smile when I walked in to get her was priceless!

Then Monday was her firt Buffalo Bills game, she was the cutest fan there!

She did great and only fussed a little with all the cheering that would scare her a little.  I'd just make a happy face and do that little "yay!" and lift her arms and she'd be happy again.  Yesterday was her first full length Bills game and I was pretty impressed with her.  She did get a little fussy at the near her bed time, but that's to be expected.  She loved when we made a touch down cause we always play the song "Hold on to Your Dreams" and dance.  She loves dancing!

My MIL did irritate me for the first time at yesterdays game though.  She kept putting Lilli's binkie in her mouth and holding it there even when Lilli would spit it out.  That really bothered me, but I didn't want to complain cause she was helping me take care of her so I could watch the game and eat too. 

I'm thinking about weening her off the binkie, but I'm not sure it's a good idea with her teething.  What do you think?  Any suggestions on how to go about it?

Oh yeah and the highlight of my weekend was this...

what I woke up to yesterday morning.  She was talking and laughing with her friends

I miss my baby girl a lot this morning.  I can't believe she is going to be 5 months old on Wednesday!

WTF?!?!?!

OMG, I totally want to flip out right now!!! So yesterday, my old sitter, Nana, called me at work to ask if it was ok if she stopped by the new sitter's, T's, to see Lillian. Well I'm at work and I was like ok so I told Traci she would stop by and if she was interrupting to just tell her it was nap time or something. So whatever Nana stopped by and at nap time Traci told her Lillian was getting tired. What did Nana do but get her binki out and start rocking her saying to Traci "This is how I used to put her to sleep." Well Traci just lays her down considering there are 2 other kids there. So Nana realizes this and says, "well I don't want to get her used to this again so I'll put her down."

Well Traci just texted me and told me that Nana showed up at her door wanting to take Lillian for a walk. She figured Nana had called me first and said ok. Which I'm fine with Nana taking her for a walk as long as it isn't disturbing any sort of schedule that Traci has. What I don't like is Nana just showing up at her house. I mean seriously how can she think that its not rude to just show up! So I tell Traci she was fine letting her go and that I'm so sorry that Nana just showed up like that.

So this all happened while I was out in my Jeep pumping. I get inside and sit at my desk and my cell rings, it's Nana. She's calling to tell me that she thinks Lillian has a sore throat because she is acting hungry but won't drink the bottle. And that she thinks she is sick (she also did this before and I took Lillian to the pedi and she was fine just stuffed up like she is now). Umm yeah I know she has a cold, I am her mother after all, and yes Traci tells me when she thinks there is something wrong that I don't already know about. I swear to god now that her grandkids are back in school and she's back from vacation that she wants to get my new sitter (who I love) fired so she can take Lillian back!

Ugh I'm so upset with her. I wouldn't take her back there even if I needed some one to watch her! It's going to be real funny if tomorrow Nana shows up at her house and no one is there. She'll probably call and say "did you know T took Lillian some where?" And I'll be like "umm no, I have Lillian." And besides that I have given T permission to take her some where if she needs to. So far she's only gone to the hospital with her (she works there, not medical needs).

Wordless Wednesday

Lots of Pictures!!!

So I lied to everyone in my last post. I forgot yesterday was a holiday so I'm not posting about cereal until now *bows head in shame*

And I just have so many wonderful pictures to share that I can't decide which to post first, so I'm just going to post them all, ok well my favorites...

Here is Lillian with her new elephant, she just loves it! I'm so glad I got it for her. It seems to have everything she like, rattles, teether, crinkly ears, squeaks when you squeeze it and all the little tags.

Here is Lillian during her first of 3 baths in 2 days. Friday night would have normally been her bath night, but she wasn't feeling well and fell asleep early. So Saturday morning I gave her a bath. I really wanted to go to the Night Under Fire Show so I asked my MIL to babysit.

Yes the MIL that I'm not that fond of taking care of Lillian. Well when we got home at midnight she told me she gave her a bath. I wasn't happy, but I just said "Oh, you didn't have to, she had one this morning." I mean if she needed a bath I probably would have told you. Then the next day when we were at her house she told me she just laid her down in the tub. Umm, that's not cool, I wouldn't even take a bath in

that tub right now, it's gross and dirty, that's the main reason I still use her tub. Her father is a roofer and he gets gross and keeping the tub clean is hard some times, especially when he is doing a tear off like he had been. I really wanted to yell at her, but I didn't. I just don't understand why she wants to play "mommy" instead of grandma. Ugh just play with her, feed her and put her to sleep like I asked!

But anyway, I had to give her a bath Sunday morning too because she pooped all over both of us, again!

This is her new favorite face and it just cracks me up, especially when her eyes get all big and bright. I've been trying to catch it for a few days now and she kept doing it during her bath so I made B get me the camera.

And what everyone I'm sure has been waiting for... Lillian's first bite of rice cereal! Her father couldn't understand why it was such a big moment but I got him to take the picture anyway. She didn't seem to fond of it so I think tonight when we try again I'm going to try and puree it a little more so there is less texture. Because guess what, I am now a baby food cook! Yup, that's right, I made her rice cereal and some peaches. The peaches are frozen to be used later, but I had some fresh ones I didn't want to go bad so I made them up and froze them.

She does love the spoon though! While I was making the cereal I gave her the spoon to play with so that she wouldn't be more interested in that while I was trying to feed her. Amazingly, she put it right in her mouth the right way. Normally things go in sideways! She also tried to help hold the spoon while I was feeding her.

And here she is looking at her daddy saying "Make mommy just give me the booby!"

I think in the end she got very little in her belly, but it wasn't because she wasn't moving it back with her tongue. Anything that came out was with a river or drool.

Speaking of drool, this weekend was the first time she really used her teething rings.

I have to say, with the teething and cold she has I can't believe how well behaved she is. The hardest part for her is bedtime. She gets very tired but gets woken up by her stuffiness several times before she falls into a nice deep sleep. For a couple nights I let her fall asleep in our bed, I hope she doesn't think its going to happen all the time now!

Well that's enough rambling for today, I have more pictures I'll post tomorrow...

Just Rambling

I really don't know what I want to blog about today. There's a lot going on, but nothing all that interesting.

I'm excited that Saturday I'm getting my hair cut. I have no idea what I want, so I'm just going to walk in and tell her "I need something very low maintenance that doesn't require any more than a brush and maybe some mousse. And there has to be some sort of length to it." I don't want a really short butchy, spiking hair cut.

We may go to the Night Under Fire show again Saturday night, but we haven't decided yet.

Sunday is a cookout at my FIL's house to pay the boys for building the pavilion over his hot tub.

Lillian's first week with the new sitter has been wonderful! She seems to enjoy it and I'm glad she is around other kids now. I think I may even become friends with T. It would be really nice to have some friends my age with kids.

I can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but Lillian's highchair arrived Wednesday night and we tried it out. I didn't want her to freak out the first time we try solids just cause she was in a new chair. This is what happened...

Umm what is this?

Well, this might be alright...

Yeah I like it!

That being said during lunch today I'm headed to Walmart to buy The Magic Bullet. I plan to make her baby food as it's another healthy and easy way to save money! I almost had The Bullet for free too, but my sister now has an apartment at school so she decided to keep hers. You can expect picture and/or a video on Monday (maybe before)...

Tricking Myself

Well first off the new sitter is going great! B even said to me the other night, I can tell you really like her, you don't seem so stressed these days. Yay me!!!



So here's the deal, I've been wrestling with myself over this 'adult weekend' for a few weeks now. The date has finally been set and I'm really nervous cause it won't be my mom watching her, it's going to be B's mom (not the one I'm at odds with, but the one I love). So it's planned for the weekend of Sept 12. We will only be gone about 24 hours. But then I realized that this weekend we are supposed to be going to the Nights Under Fire show on Saturday which means another evening of not seeing Lillian. And that makes 2 weekends in a row.

Now if you remember the new sitter has already signed up for hours at the hospital on Thursday and Friday of next week. I'm having trouble finding some one to watch her. This is what I've decided...

I will be going to the show this Saturday if we decide to still go, I will also be going to adult weekend. I have Monday off so I will be with Lillian all day then so its still like I have my normal weekend with her. Then I will take of Thursday and Friday next week, being that I can't find anyone anyway and that will be like my weekend with her. I'm trying to trick myself into thinking that I won't be spending any less time with her than normal. Of course in the back of my mind I know that I'm not spending the extra time with her that I could, but I think I need to do this as much as it may stress me out. I really need to come to terms with the fact that I'm not a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) and there's a good chance I never will be. We will both be ok and we will both live through this, I just hope B realizes he's going to have to be my rock when we are gone for the night!

"Forget the trucks, I want the dots!"

The New Sitter

Well the verdict is in... dun, dun, dun...

I think I like her! Actually she friended me on facebook yesterday morning, funny thing, I graduated with her husband.

Anyway, there were a few things I forgot to tell her yesterday morning, like I didn't expect Lillian to drink all 4 bottles I sent (I always send an extra in case something happens, like one spills or I get stuck in traffic or something) and guess what, everything turned out fine! Apparently babies have a sense that adults don't and can tell when some one is breastfeeding, we figured this out because T (what I will be calling the new sitter) breastfeeds her son and Lillian didn't want to take a bottle from her, but when T had one of her friends that isn't breastfeeding try and feed her, Lillian ate like a champ. Eventually Lillian did take the bottle from T though, I suggested today that she try laying her somewhere instead of holding her.

Also, without me asking she wrote up note about Lillian's day. Like times that she ate and how much, diaper changes, and times that she napped and how long and playing. Only thing we aren't sure about is why she didn't nap much even though she could tell she was tired. We think it was just because of the new surroundings.

I even have a cute story already. T have two little boys, Landon is 2 and Reid is 8 months. Well when Landon got up yesterday T asked if he wanted to come say hi to Lillian and he said "no, put her down, you need to hold Reed." I thought that was so cute he wanted her holding his little brother. By the end of the day Landon was helping get her bottles and take care of her though. He really is a cute little boy. And Reid and Lillian love to flirt with each other, should I be worried? LOL

Oh and this morning it was so funny, T said "I meant to ask you last night, did you pump all 4 bottles at once yesterday? They were all room temp!" I laughed and said "I wish, it would be much easier, but I've been defrosting frozen milk to make sure it doesn't go to waste." I'd love it if I could pump 24oz at a time! And I'm really liking having a sitter that understands breastfeeding!

Lillian has a very stuffy nose, but she seems to be dealing with it well, the only time it bothers her is when she is eating. I hope the saline starts clearing her out soon. Here are a few new pics...

The little stinker would only smile after I took a picture!

Anxious

Does the anxiety ever go away?

Every time we have to make a change with Lillian I start having anxiety attacks. I dropped her off at the new sitter this morning and leaving was so hard. Not because I don't think she will be well taken care of, or that I don't think the girl can handle it or anything like that. I drove away thinking, did I tell her everything? Did I remember to tell her about the frozen binkies? Did I tell her she likes to sleep on her belly or that she likes to have her Pooh when she sleeps? Did I remember to tell her that the NUK bottles some times take her longer to eat? Stuff like that.

And I always feel horrible because I can't bring myself to take her out of her seat in the morning to hug and kiss her goodbye. I'm affraid if I picked her up again I wouldn't let go.

So that brings me to the yearly camping trip our friends have. We call it "Adult Weekend" This is because everyone finds a sitter for the kids and camp out and drink and have a blast. This was actually the weekend that Lillian was conceived! Anyway, we normally only go for one night because of the dogs. Well I don't know if I want to go at all this year. I get anxious just thinking about leaving Lillian for the night. Like right now there is this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I mean I know that she will be fine, I mean my om is going to take care of her and well I'm here aren't I? My problem is that I get so little time with her that I hate to leave her with some one else when I don't have to. On the other hand, I know that it's ok to get away some times and I know that if I don't go I will regret it because either way B is going and I can't blame him.

Will I ever feel like I spend enough time with her?

On the plus side she is getting so smart, I'm going to try and load a video of her learning out to press the buttons on her exersaucer.

Change of Plans

Well this blog was going to be about having a new sitter, but right now that doesn't seem to be so important. Do you remember my post about my friend "The last one standing". Well I logged into my google page this morning to the title of A Dream Deferred and my heart sank right away. I knew she was close to it being beta day.

Well guess what, it is a glorious day! No girl left behind in our group! It took 2 years, but we are all now either mommies or pregnant.

Murgdan, I wish you the happiest and healthiest 9 months and more. Oh yeah and a Happy Belated Birthday to the one who shall not be blogged about.

Oh yeah, PS, we have a sitter until at least Feb. I'm so happy today is Lillian's last day at Nana's!

Want me to make you something special?

My good bloggy friend Kimbo is going to make me something special because I signed up on her blog, now it's your turn to get something special from me!

The first 5 people to respond to this blog will get something made especially for them, by me, *who wouldn't want that?!

So here's the "games" mumbo jumbo:

• I have one year to get you your special gift - It really shouldn't take that long**
• What I make you will be one of a kind***
• You won't know what it is until it arrives at your doorstep****
• You have to repost this on your blog and do the same for the first 5 responses to you

Disclaimers:
*there is no guarantee that you will like what I send you, ,
**with me hopefully moving in the next month or so I'm not making any promises on a quick turn around, but it won't be a year
***unless I like it so much I later make one for myself too
**** At this point I have no idea what it is either!

Sharing the Love

I love my Bloggy friends! You all keep me in perspective and I'm so glad you share your view on things with me. Really helps me understand why people do things some times.

I really don't have much to write about today, or maybe I'm just too tired to think, but it's probably a good thing after the novel I posted yesterday.

Last night we helped my sister move some of her stuff to school and then went to Sam's Club. I was really disappointed to find they didn't have the diapers I like in bulk, but oh well. I think she's too close to growing out of the ones they did have anyway.

It was nice to go to dinner with my sister afterwards. And Lillian was soooo good! Well, until we got in the car for the 40 minute drive home. Then she started crying and cried almost the whole way. I felt so bad, but I knew pulling over wasn't going to do any good cause she just wanted her bed. When I got her home and in the house she started smiling instantly. We cuddled extra long before bed even though it was late. I took some pics of her in the cutest outfit yesterday, but I don't have the cord for the camera so you'll have to wait for those, but here's some from the other day...

Not Always Sunshine and Rainbows

One of my favorite quotes is "If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain," by Steven Wright. It's so true.

I read a blog today from a woman who is going to take a break from her blog and one of the reasons is because she feels bad posting her honest feelings about being a mommy. Cause lets face it, there are rough times that come with being a mommy. I told myself from the beginning of this blog that I would never sugar coat how I feel and I'd be completely honest, which I have done.

The thing is though, I look back now, to after my miscarriage and realize that I was one of those women who couldn't imagine how some one could complain about being a mommy. And truthfully I want to smack myself upside the head and say "get real girl, it's not all sunshine and rainbows!" It doesn't matter how much you want to become a mommy and what you go through to get there, the reality is that being a mommy isn't always easy and it comes with a lot of emotions, and most of the time its a constant roller coaster. And I'm guessing even more so when you've had to wait in line for that roller coaster longer than most.

What those women don't seem to realize is that just because we have a complaint it doesn't mean that we aren't over the moon to be able to have something to complain about. Every rough moment I have as a mommy is always blanketed by the fact that I love my little girl more than anything in the world and would do anything for her. I really wish I could come up with a great metaphor, but I can't, there is just nothing that compares to the love and yes frustration of being a mommy. That being said, I'm gonna rant a little bit, after all that is why I made this blog private.

On Sunday we went to my FIL's house for a cookout to celebrate his birthday. His wife is the MIL that I seem to have issues with. Well Aunt J (my MIL's sister) walks in and realizes I'm there with Lillian and says "Oh I am going to get to see her again before she graduates!" I just kind of laugh it off. Then she sees me taking pictures of Lillian and says "Maybe after today there will be pictures of her and this set of grandparents on her website?" I said "Maybe, if I have enough energy to take the pictures." Then after the BBQ we are sitting in the living room and I'm picking up Lillian's toys and Aunt J says "boy do I remember what it's like having to pack up a diaper bag to go some where, what a pain."

Here's my bitch, she never calls to see what we are doing, and I know she frequents the bar (not like an alcoholic or anything, but she normally stops in for one or two with her friends after work), why doesn't call and say "hey would it be ok if I stopped over for a bit?" or "what are you up to tonight, thought maybe we could visit for a few minutes?" But no, instead she just bitches about not getting to see her, even when she knows what a pain in the ass it is to take her somewhere (meaning packing toys and clothes and all the "in case" stuff). And as for pictures with the grandparents, it's not my fault that when they stop by to see her it's normally almost bed time and the last thing I feel like doing is take pictures. And we don't normally go visit on the weekends cause all they do is sit around and watch TV. If she really looked at the pictures with the other grandparents she'd realize they are on the boat, in the pool, or doing something. And my mom invites us over for dinner all the time, they don't, not my fault. I'm not going to call up and say "Hey do you want to cook us dinner? I'll bring Lillian over if you do!" And besides that it can be a pain to pack her up so why would I want to do it more than I have to!

Ok only one more rant and then I'll stop torturing you! I didn't work Monday cause I was sick so I kept Lillian home with me. Well yesterday when I dropped her off to Nana, she asked "how are things coming along with a new sitter?" (like she has been for about a week now). I told I planned on stopping at the day care center in the after noon to see if they have heard anything. So she says "Oh ok, cause we are leaving Monday for vacation." I was in shock, how could she tell me only a week before she's leaving?!?! And she doesn't even know how long she's going to be gone, a week, a month, they haven't decided yet. Not that it really matters cause once she's done this week she will be done for good, even if I have to take time off from work. Yesterday when I picked Lillian up it was over 80* out and Nana had her in long sleeves and pants. Yes the house was closed up and the fan was on, but I was still warm in there and it isn't the first time she's done this. At first I thought maybe she messed her clothes and that's all that was left, but nope, no dirty clothes.

Then when I took her out of her seat at the day care center I realized she smelled like baby powder, I don't use anything on her that smells like baby powder and especially NOT POWDER. It's suggested to wait until they are a year old before using powder because their respiratory system can't handle the powder. And she wonder's why she sounds congested and raspy some times, probably because she has powder in her throat! The way I would be as a sitter, I wouldn't give or use anything on the baby that the mother hadn't requested or it wasn't in the diaper bag. It makes me wonder if she started giving Lillian cereal even though I told her I wasn't yet. Oh and she seems to second guess everything my pediatrician says.

On a positive note, I'm interviewing a lady tomorrow afternoon to start watching Lillian, and the even better news is that Lillian would be the only child other than her own and she can start next week!

But my little angel is worth all the stress cause the little smile she gives me and the coos when she's done breastfeeding are worth any stress in the world!

Here she is loving her time with Pop-Pop and Great-Grandma...

4 Months Old

I can't believe Lillian is now 4 months old!


Length: 25 inches (approximately 1.5 in from last month, 85%)
Weight: 14lbs 12oz (up 2lb 9oz from last month, 78%)


Lillian is learning and improving new skills every day.

• She can now roll from her belly to her back, but only when she wants to, and she's trying hard to go from her back to her belly
• She can now put her binkie in her mouth by herself (as long as its the right way in her hand), but finds it easier to just grab it with her mouth whenever possible.
• She is really improving her eye hand coordination and grabbing on to things quite well.
• She lets me know when she's ready to be put in her crib at night. We read stories and then rock and when she's ready she turns to me, whines a little and tries to stretch out, that's when it's time to be laid down.
• She now enjoys the shower head in the tub, she actually grabs for the running water.
• She went swimming for the first time this month
• And she started teething this month, but nothing has popped through yet.

I really can't believe we are a quarter of the way through her first year of life. She still has very little interest in sitting, but loves to stand and will make sure you know it. At her appointment the pediatrician said it is ok to start her on cereal once a day, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. She certainly isn't starving on just the breast milk so I think we will wait a little longer for the cereals.

Here are a few shots of her beautiful smile that I caught on Sunday, which I will blog more about at a later date...

PS~ Let me know what you think of the new design and if the text is hard to read or not.

This Morning

My tired little girl...

Loose Ends

Not to much to write about today, same old, same old. Well I guess it's not really old, but it's the same as yesterday. I found that the two things that work best for her teeth is the frozen binkie and anything active. If we walk around with her she's happy, if we put her in her exersaucer she's happy long enough to shove some food in my mouth, and I'm happy with that!

We watch the Bee movie last night and though I can't stand the sound of Jerry Seinfeld's voice it was a pretty cute movie, and Lillian loved all the yellow and black. I'm a little worried we are getting back into the habit of fall asleep on mommy's boob again so we're going to have to work on that tonight.

On the daycare front I stopped at the center a few blocks from my house and they are currently full, but the lady said that she would put me at the top of the list because I need the care ASAP. It sounded like the others on the list don't need it for a while. There is one lady that is finding out how long her husband is going to be laid off before she take the baby out. I hate to sound mean and normally I would never wish some one to be laid off for long, but in this case I'm (not so) secretly hoping it long enough for her to take the baby out of day care.

Well I didn't really tie up any loose ends, but there's the update on all the things going on...

This is what the heat does to my little girl...

I really wish I had remembered my camera cause she looked so cute and the phone pictures just aren't the same

Teething

Lillian is in full swing teething mode now. Last night was a little rough on her.

It's funny cause Nana has been telling me that her teeth were bothering her, but she wasn't really showing me any signs besides drooling until last night. She was good when we got home, she ate and then played in her swing talking to her sheep for a half hour or so (I just love watching this!). And of course just as dinner arrived she started screaming. Not much made her happy, the binkie worked for a second or two and then she'd cry again. I've been against using Orajel for fear of it numbing more than just her gums and tried it anyway, she HATED it! Made her cry so we put some water in the binkie and froze it, she loved it! She stopped crying right away and even smiled once it was in her mouth. Problem, it melts pretty fast, so now we have a stock of freezing binkies in the freezer.

Of course the boob also works too. She has stopped eating and was lighting sucking last night so I tried to replace the boob with a binkie, yeah she wasn't having that, she started screaming, so back in with the boob! Any other suggestions on soothing her? I gave her Tylenol before bed and she slept fine, but I don't want her taking Tylenol all day!

Swimming at Grandma's
Trying to stay cool with daddy

Funny Face...

On another note, I think my first official post pardum menstral cycle has started and man does it suck! I used to get cramps and a sore back the day of, maybe the day before, but not this time, it's been a frickin week almost! Ugh

Less talk more pictures...

Last night we ended up going to my mom's. It was nice and refreshing to jump in the pool (even though the only clean suit I had was a bikini (YUK!). Lillian seemed to enjoy it. She smiled a few times and the rest of the time she just seemed to like not being hot and sweaty.

We did some tummy time for as long as mommy could get her to stay on her tummy and we danced around the kitchen while grandma worked on dinner. After she ate she was tired from the excitement and being so hot so she just sat in mommy's lap while mommy ate. Daddy was wonderful and cut up mommy's steak and buttered her corn so she could eat with one hand. It wasn't much for an anniversary celebration, but it was all I could ever ask for.

I had something else I was going to blog about this morning, but I can't remember what it was now. Is it weird that write out my blogs in my head while I'm brushing my teeth in the morning?

So here are some pics of my wonderful life...

She loves her seahorse

Check out the bow mommy made for me!

My little tomboy

And a few more of my favorite portraits...

Lessons in Mommyhood

Saturday both B and I got some lessons in Mommyhood.

After breakfast with my grandparents and taking them up to see our new house we decided to head to the lake and go out on the boat with my mom and Johnny (her fiance). On the way there though B started getting miserable and I don't really know why. So when we got there Lillian was sleeping, but as we were walking to the boat she woke up. We got going and I took her out of her seat and put sunscreen on her and her floating bathing suit. Check out how cute she is...

Once we were anchored at the beach I took that off and put her swimsuit and hat on her. I took her in the water and even though it was chilly at first in only a few seconds she enjoyed it fully.

Brian held her while I walked to the beach to find my aunt, she had the floaties that my mom had bought for Lillian. But by the time we found her and got back (a long boring story) Lillian was hungry and tired. She refuses to take a bottle from me, so B fed her and laid her down for a nap. I had started drinking at this point and was getting a little buzz. B stayed on the boat with her and took care of her.

When we got back I changed Lillian and B and I got in a little tiff because he couldn't find his phone and he had an attitude with me, like it was my fault or something. He found his phone and went outside leaving me with Lillian. I went to go out and sit around with the family, but there were no chairs when I opened the door so I closed it and went back inside (it was cooler in there anyway). He came in and sat with me. After letting Lillian play in the mirror we decided to head outside. She played in her exersaucer and we just hung around. While I was making a drink Lillian started fussing and B picked her up. When I walked back over he handed her to me and said "I either need to eat or take a nap, I'm going to lay down." I just stared at him, I couldn't believe what he was saying. He realized I was upset and said "I'll take her with me." I said "she's not going to nap, she just woke up a half hour ago." He took her anyway and went inside. I walked off because I was upset and a few minutes later he followed me. He said he doesn't get me lately. He said a few other things that I was too upset to remember and walked off again saying he wasn't going to fight with me. I walked t0 our Jeep which was away from the camp site and opened the back and sat down. I got even more upset with myself because I was continuing to drink. I don't like using drinking as a coping mechanism. B walked up as I threw my drink to the ground. He said he was sorry but he was tired and hungry. He said he was doing this for me so I could have a good time, and I understood that, but explained to him I'd been having little anxiety attacks all day because I know what it feels like to be in the position and I didn't want him to feel that way. After that we went and hung out with the family and I started doing the things for him that I wished he'd do for me.

We left around 10 after he cooked for everyone and I got Lilly to sleep. On the way home we talked again and he apologized for his first little spat again and said that after he realized what he said about being tired and hungry he felt really bad and realized I go through that all the time. I told him I was glad that he now understands and I don't ever want him to feel like again, but I won't be the only one to feel that way. I think he really understands now what it's like to be the only one taking care of her, not to mention doing that and watching the other one "get their drink on". Of course I also got the lesson in how much it sucks for the other one to want to leave when you're having a good time. Personally, I'd take having to leave over being stressed any day!

So today is our 2 year anniversary and it's supposed to be 90 and humid with a feels like temp or around 100. This means B is going to be on a roof where its probably going to feel some where around 110-120 all day, I'm really not expecting much tonight. My mom has offered for us to come over swimming and she'd watch Lillian and make dinner for us if we want. We might take her up on it depending on how he's feeling when we get home.

Here's a few more pics of my little angel. I'll post the swimming pictures once they are sent to me...