Wednesday, April 27, 2011

How to Deal with an Infertile...

Here's the biggest problem dealing with an infertile... most of the time you don't know when you are. That's right, we don't carry a card in out pocket (unless you count the ones with the OB and RE's numbers on them) and we don't have signs around our necks. My point is, you never know if you are talking to someone who is having trouble conceiving. Questions such as:

~ When are you gonna start having kids?
~ Don't you think you should start a family?
~ So when's the next one coming?

Are really not appropriate questions to ask anyone if you don't know their situation. And yes they are all questions that I have been asked.

I remember being asked "when are you going to start having kids?" after my miscarriage. I already felt broken for not being able to keep my pregnancy and then again for not being able to get pregnant again. I didn't even know how to answer this question and finally just answered every inquiry with "When it happens, it happens" because really I don't want to tell you how broken I am.

I think the worst comment so far in my venture for my second bundle of joy came when I had been trying for 10 or 11 months. I ran into a girl I work with in the bathroom. She asked how the baby was and we chatted. Then she said "you know it's much easier to have your kids close in age, you should have another one now." All I said was "yeah that's what I've heard." What I really wanted to say was..."bitch, if my body worked like yours I would probably be out on maternity leave right now, but it doesn't so shut your pie hole!"

Just recently at a baby shower I was asked "When are you going to start trying for another one?" I honestly said "We've been trying for over a year." The girl actually talking to me said "Oh I'm so sorry." The girl sitting next to me said "Oh just relax and it will happen. You're thinking about it too much." Well guess what, we were very relaxed for the first 6 months and it didn't happen, what makes you think relaxing now will be any different.

Don't get me wrong, I think you should enquire with you close friends and family about their family plans, just do it in an appropriate way that won't make them want to gouge your eyes out. Questions such as:

~ Do you plan on having a family?
~ How many kids do you think you want to try for?
~ Do you plan on having more kids?

are much less invasive than the first set of questions. They also leave room for as much or as little information as the person wants to share. And if you do talk to an infertile couple, please don't recommend different things to try if you yourself have not had personal experience with it. There are many myths out there.

If you have a myth you would like to bust, please join in the challenge or if you would like to learn more about infertility visit Resolve

1 comment:

Your ramblings...