I am having trouble with this topic. I am the type of person that tries to put on a happy face to make sure everyone around me is happy, comfortable and worry free, while inside things may be eating me up. This being my personality it also means that I don't like going to someone and admitting something is wrong. Even though chances are good that I won't need IUI or IVF, the feeling that my body can't work on it's own really bothers me.
I know this will be a process, mentally, like finally getting on my happy pills. It took me a long time to accept the fact that depression was most likely going to be a part of my life forever. Now that I have admitted it and treat it, I feel better. And honestly no one would ever have to know if I didn't tell them. And the same will go for infertility.
I keep putting it off though. Back in Dec. 2010 my OB told me to call whenever I wanted to start testing. B and I decided we would wait until after the holidays. Then I decided that I will try and lose some weight first, I mean really, the first time I got pregnant I was a good 30lbs lighter than I was then. Now that I have lost weight I keep telling myself that I need to give it a few months to see if it works. What's it going to take for me to just go start the testing???
Some times I think "why haven't you started yet? The longer you wait the longer it will take, the older you will be, the older Lillian will be..."
I am to begin testing for pregnancy in a few days and if I have no good news to share I hope that I can be in the same mind set that I am right now that it's time.
Feel free to ask me any questions about my experiences or infertility in general. Is there a specific topic you are wondering about, just let me know.