Where to begin???

Well Friday Lillian and I both went to the doctors. She has a cold and I have a hemorrhoid that is small enough not to be able to lance, but large enough to hurt like hell! So right now Lilly is getting saline spray up her nose and I'm getting cortisone up my butt! We are both starting to feel better! Well except now I have her cold and feel like crap from that. But as long as she is feeling better. It actually hasn't bothered her that much besides not being able to clear her throat.

Saturday was nice, we went to a birthday party at the park and B got to play with boys, yes he's nothing but a big kid! And Lilly got to hang out with the girl that will be watching her once we get back from our vacation. I also had my first real "in public" breast feeding experience and I think we did quite well. I've found that I don't need a cover as long as I wear the right type of shirt. Then we went to Red Lobster for dinner, it was great! Except for the part where I found out that apparently I've developed a reaction to beer :( It's happened twice now. When I drink a beer my face and neck get all red and blotchy and I get hot.

Yesterday we went to another birthday party. B had a lot of fun playing with the water balloons with the kids. It didn't end so great though. It started to rain as we were getting ready to leave so he pulled the Jeep around to the back of the house (where their main door is) and as we are leaving he was watching for the dog and ended up hitting a tree! We now need a new windshield, a mirror and possibly a whole door! Not good. Especially being that on top of that my throat was starting to hurt really bad and my head. When we got home Lilly didn't want to go to bed, come to find out she was having tummy troubles and finally pooped after going almost 2 days without.

One good thing about the weekend is that Lilly only had 2 bottles the whole time and fed of the breast the rest of the time! Friday night and Saturday morning were a little rough, but we managed. I hope the 4 bottles she has today doesn't set us back.

And one more plus, only 3 days of work this week!!! And I'm of all next week!!!

Keeping it close just in case...

What a rough night!

Doing Better

WARNING: If you find baby behinds offensive don't look at the pictures!

Baby girl is doing better now that the effects of her shots have warn off. She certainly wasn't happy the night she got them.

I can't believe how interactive she is getting! She love to "talk" now. Even this morning, only minutes after waking up she was all smiles and coos. I can see she is going to be a morning person like her daddy.

As for me, I'm tired and stressed. I constantly feel like I'm not getting anything done. Laundry piles up so fast and its not even all Lilly's, it's mostly ours. And I'm constantly washing bottles and pumping supplies. I thought about buying more bottles, but I don't want to spend the money, I'm sure it won't be long and she'll be needing the 8 oz ones anyway. My weight is suffering from all this too cause I haven't been able to make a meal plan and a grocery list, I really need to get on this. It just seems that Lilly wants to nurse forever when she gets home at night, like an hour and half last night, then she wants to play, but not by herself. Last night I didn't even get dinner until 10:30 when she went to bed cause I used the 30 minutes she napped to fold laundry cause I'm sick of wrinkled clothes. And I really don't know what to do cause B is being a big help. 4 nights a week he accomplishes at least one chore, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, the bathroom and dusting. And that doesn't count the time he makes dinner and does dishes. I really need to get a routine going here!

Ok, pitty party over, tomorrow is Friday and I'm excited to spend the weekend with my friends and family!

Two Months

Lillian Grace is 2 months old today, I just can't believe it (I'll probably say that every month!). She's growing so much it's just amazing.

Stats:

Weight - 11lb 10oz (+3lbs 6oz from birth)

Length - 22.5 in (+2 inches from birth)

Head - 15.5 in (+1 inch from birth)

New perdiatrician is great. Said Lillian is very healthy and growing great. She said as a pedi she has to tell me to put Lilly to sleep on her back, but as a mom take everything out of the crib and let her sleep on her belly cause lack of sleep can hurt hers and my health too. Plus she said based on the way Lilly is picking her head up and turning it she should be ok. This made me feel much better because I'm afraid to let her sleep on her belly in her crib, but she isn't going to fit in the bassinet much longer. She also said that Lilly can go swimming in the lake when we go on vacation over the 4th, so I'm so excited about that!

This month she has done some wonderful things...

She now picks her head up and moves it around without losing her binkie when she's on her belly.

She's become more aware of the things around her and loves looking at her toys.

She's learned to splash with her feet in the bath, she loves it.

She coos a lot and is starting to carry on conversations.

She had her first road trip and did very well!

She rolled from her Tummy to her back for the first time!

Road Trip and Father's Day

Well our road trip to VA was wonderful! The driving sucked, especially that we spent about as much time driving as we did there, but it was totally worth it! We left about 6:30 am on Friday morning and arrived in VA around 4. Lilly was great, she slept most of the way, of course waking up for a few bottles and diaper changes. Then when we were almost there she woke up to play (or I should say stare) at her toys.

And guess what, while I was setting up her pack n play, she rolled from her tummy to her back for the first time!!! I was so proud of her, but do you think she'd do it again, nooo. She ate and took a nap while we waited for others to arrive to go to dinner. During dinner she ate again and sat and watched us eat, then she entertained everyone while sitting on my lap when I was done. Surprisingly enough she went to bed right on time at 10 and slept all night again!

Saturday morning we got up and packed everything up and headed to our nephew's graduation, she fell asleep in the car on the way and stayed asleep in the moby wrap through the whole thing! (2+ hours) Her cousins couldn't believe it will all the hootin n hollerin. After the graduation we went to lunch, we got there early so I fed her while sitting in the car and she was happy to visit with everyone during lunch. Then we went to the park to take some pics and we were off. She was a little fussy when we headed out, but it was most likely because she was too warm and tired. Once the AC got the Jeep cooled down she fell asleep, it was probably 2:30 almost 3 by then. It was so hard to say good bye. It was the first time I'd met my SIL and her girls and I hadn't seen the boys since last year. Lilly slept off and on most of the way home and I was amazed that at 12:30 when we got home I moved her from her car seat to her bed and she slept the rest of the night like normal!

There are our nieces and nephews. The boy holding Lillian is the one who graduated, isn't he handsome?

This is B and his sister.

I was a little worried yesterday because she seemed to sleep a lot but so did I, I'm guessing it was just the same effects as what us adults have after long trips like that. I'll see how she does at the sitters today.

As for Father's Day, it wasn't very eventful. We pretty much laid in bed all day and watched movies and napped. B had to go to our camp to look at a leaking issue, but that was it. We went to a quick dinner and the back home. Nothing major and I felt terrible cause his father's day gift didn't arrive on time! Oh well, nothing I can do about it now.

Tomorrow Lillian will be 2 months so I'll update after her appt. But for now I'll leave you with another pic...

More Frustration...

I swear it never ends. Monday only got worse until I went home. At lunch I got in the car to realize that my turn signals weren't working. Good news, they started working again after work. Bad news, it's most likely the switch that will completely burn out after a while and it costs $100 just for the part.

Then 1800Contacts calls me to tell me they are canceling my order cause the dr couldn't find my file. Turns out last time I was there was just a few weeks before my wedding so they had the wrong last name. Getting home and being with Lilly and B was the best part of my day!

Yesterday was frustrating on some level too. This pumping at work is driving me nuts! Not in the sense that I'm gonna stop or anything. But here I use the nurse's office to pump. Thing is, it's just that, an office that is used by the nurse. She has a curtain to divide the room in two. So as long as no one else is in there it's fine, but if there is some one in there I can't go in. So yesterday I tried to go in 3 different times and couldn't. I'm really trying to get on an every 2 hour schedule to get my milk supply up and this is just not helping. I've decided that I'm going to out and pump in my car. If I sit in the back seat the windows are tinted and I think I might be more relaxed being alone. Hopefully this will work ok.

I'm really excited for Friday, we are going on a road trip to VA, it's about an 8 hour drive. Our nephew is graduating from high school. This will be the first time I've met his sister and two nieces. And we're getting family pictures done. My MIL is so excited to have photos off all her grand kids together! I'm excited to spend so much time with my family!

Monday's Suck!!!

I hate Mondays and today has already been terrible, and it's only 7am!

Not that any of you really want to know this, but I have terrible hemrroids and they were so bad this morning I cried! It hurts to walk, sit, lay down, you name it, it hurts.

Then I dropped Lilly off with Nana and for the first time I got in the car and cried. I hated leaving her this weekend. I can't wait to get home tonight and hold her. Or for Friday when I get to spend the whole day with her! It may be in a car, but I'll be with her!

Then I'm walking into work, carrying my pump, my purse and my coffee (which is honestly less than what I used to carry to and from work every day) and I tripped and fell. I have skin stuck to the inside of my pants from my knees and the palm of my left hand is all scraped up and the blood vessel that runs up the rist by the crease at the bottom of your thumb is all swollen and bruised.

Today I really just want to go get my daughter and lay in bed with her all day!

My weekend was good though. Saturday morning I woke up and pumped and B took care of Lilly and let me sleep 2 extra hours. Then I showered and took care of her while he showered. Then I was off to the mall, BY MYSELF!!! B took care of Lilly by himself for 6 hours on Saturday! And he only called me once to find out where the gas drops were and how to give them to her. I was very proud of him!

Yesterday was a pretty good day as I got to spend it with Lilly. Daddy went fishing so we had some girl time. Then my mom called and invited us up for dinner. It was a great day overall.

I can't wait to get home tonight!

Milk Coma

Just because I think she's cute!

Thanks Everyone!

I want to thank everyone for the advice and well wishes on my last few posts. I'm so happy it's Friday and I can spend the weekend with my little girl! Although I did tell B last night that I think I may just take off for a few hours this weekend so they can have some bonding time. I just want to make sure she doesn't sleep the whole time. I mean that certainly won't show him how time consuming taking care of her can be.

I'm exhausted today and woke up to a very wet sleeping bra. I was so tired last night that when Lilly was hunger at 9 we fed laying down. She did come off after not long, but I knew if I put her in the bassinet she was going to get fussy, so she stayed where she was until I woke up just after 10 because I dozed off. At that point I was way too tired to pump so I pumped what came out quickly and that was it. Its been a long time since I pumped 9oz at once. Today to keep my supply up, I'm trying to drink 20oz of water between each pumping. We'll see how that goes and if it works.

The Break Down

Well last night I finally broke down and cried. I just couldn't take it. When I picked Lilly up from Nana's (that's what we call her sitter, she's been Nana for 18 years now to me) they were sitting on the porch watching the cars go by and talking. Lilly was smiling and talking, it was so cute.

Well I got her home and she started to get fussy so I got the Moby Wrap out and she fell asleep within minutes of being put in it. And thankfully she slept long enough to let me get 2 loads of laundry folded. Then she woke up and was fussy. She cried terribly off and on. Then when I fed her she was on there for over an hour! Every time she'd come off if I didn't get her right back on her lip would quiver and she'd cry out. (How long should she be on there?)

I started crying because I want those happy times where she's smiling and cooing! I want her to be happy to come home, not cry all night. Am I doing something wrong? I feel like even at her young age she likes Nana better than me. Is that possible?

On a better note, thanks to some great advice I got yesterday BFing went great last night! My boobs are sore and feeling a little bruised today, but no nipple pain like before! I hope tonight is just as good!

Toys?

So being a new mommy, I'm not sure what to do. Lilly is becoming bored with the things she has, which isn't really much I guess. She isn't all that into her play mat because that requires her laying on her back. I'm not really sure what a 7 week old should be "playing" with.

I think I'm going to try more and more with the play mat cause she likes the toys and sounds, she just doesn't like to be on it for long periods of time. Besides that, what kind of toys should she have?

Things are going well with the baby sitter and I'm really wishing she would do it full time, but I know that isn't an option. Leaving her today was pretty hard, I think harder than the first day only cause I'm starting to miss her more the longer I'm away. I love that when I get home B lets me cuddle with her. We've started this pattern that I take care of her at night and he takes care of her in the morning. He really enjoys giving her bottle first thing in the morning, she's very cuddly then.

Also, I'm trying really hard to feed her off the breast for her two feedings at night now. It was really painful last night though. I'm not sure what to do about it. She basically causes blisters on the end of my nipple. It won't hurt when she is constantly sucking because she gets the nipple far enough back, but then she sucks in spurts and that's when it starts to hurt because the latch changes. Any suggestions on how to get her to keep sucking to make sure her latch doesn't change? Once she gets lazy she won't open her mouth wide either so taking her off and putting her back on gets frustrating cause I have to do it so many times.

Happy hump day everyone!

The Beginning of a few rants... Consideration

I'm a little annoyed with my husband. OK, make that a lot annoyed.

Back when we were trying to get pregnant we both decided that we were going to quit smoking when it happened. Well when it finally happened I of course quit the second the test was positive, well technically it was the night before when I had my last cigarette. Anyway, he didn't quit and continued to smoke in front of me until I finally blew up at him. Then he basically just quit smoking in front of me. At one point he said he was trying to quit, but hanging out with the boys made it impossible. This is when he started trying to tell me that he wasn't smoking, but I knew he was. I didn't really say much about it because I appreciated the fact that at least he wasn't smoking in front of me.

Well then he said that once she got here he was definitely going to quit completely. Well he didn't, but again had the consideration not to do it in front of me. But the part I hate is that he's lying to me about it. He's telling me he isn't smoking when I know he is. And the part that really kills me is that he's started smoking pot again. I think this bothers me the most because it is something I'm strongly against and I told him before he even proposed to me that I'm not ok with it and if he didn't plan on quiting then not to bother marrying me. Now before you say "well why'd you marry him if he didn't quit?" He did quit, but now he's working with a guy (who also happens to live below us) that smokes on a daily basis and apparently he can't tell his friends no. This really upsets me. I don't mind so much if its a once in a great while thing, but for a week he came home high every night and then tried to tell me that he wasn't and I didn't know what I was talking about.

Then that weekend we stayed at my mom's camp I found out that he had some on him and offered it to her DF. So they got high while they were out fishing. That night when we were all drinking (after I found out that he was smoking both that day) he couldn't resist the urge to have a cigarette. I was so mad at him for even thinking about smoking in front of me. I find it harder now not to smoke than I did in the beginning because I don't have her growing inside me anymore. I just thought this was something that we were going to do together and support each other and well, he's not. So when we got home from camping and I was getting the laundry ready and checking the pockets I found rolling papers in his pants pocket. I held them up and just looked at him (he didn't know at the time that I knew he was smoking). He said to me "I wonder how long they've been there?" Oh if Lilly hadn't been in the room...

So the other night when he was drunk he says to me "I'm not gonna lie, I bought a pack of cigarettes tonight and I smoked while I was downstairs." I just said "Oh really? I couldn't tell." The next evening when he was sober I told him that I'm not an idiot like he seems to think I am. I know when he smokes at work and any other time. He now once again says he wants to quit smoking. Can't wait to see how long it lasts this time...

Back to Work... Did you get the email?

Well first off, today is my first day back to work. I can't believe it's already here. I will say I'm handling it better than I thought I would, but it still isn't easy. I surprisingly haven't cried yet, but I'm sure that is partly due to my happy pills. I'm honestly trying not to think about it, but its hard when I have to go pump and such.

I know my little girl is in good hands right now as I've know the woman watching her for almost 20 years now. She babysat my little sister for years.

I'm in the process of calling on other sitters though as this is only temporary. I'm also calling a new pediatrician today, I hope she's accepting new patients!

Also, I just sent out an email to all the people who wanted to be invited to read once this goes private. If you didn't get the email let me know, it means I accidently didn't get you on the list, or I have your email wrong.

Any happy thoughts would be appreciated today as my anxiety is on the edge of poking through.

Thanks!

Thanks for all the compliments ladies, but I really can't take all the credit. Well I can take some it for her being so cute, but the creativity is some one else's. Thanks to one of my TLT buddies I found this website imikimi.com that has all these layouts already done and all you have to do is add pictures. It even changed the color of them automatically on that one!

I'll probably be making this private tomorrow (if I have time) so if anyone hasn't sent me their email address, please do.

imikimi - Customize Your World!