That's what consumed my day yesterday. I don't know if I'm being insecure, over emotional or if my feelings are justified. I just feel like my husband just doesn't care. All he cares about is how much he gets to go hunting. He never asks me anything about the baby and any time he does something nice for me it's cause he's sucking up cause he wants to go hunting. Now he is getting a cold but is going to go hunt in the rain anyway because he says "well you won't let me hunt in the nice weather." He doesn't care that him getting sick puts me a greater risk and that I can't take anything to help myself feel better. He doesn't care that he could be working today and making money even if it isn't his normal job and he doesn't really like it. He has a responsibility to this family and he just can't see it. I feel so alone. I feel like he doesn't care if I'm even around cause when he is home I know he wishes he wasn't. I feel so unwanted.
On Sunday he went hunting in the morning and then came home and he made me breakfast in bed. I said "You're so good to me" and his reply was "Well I have to suck up if I'm not going to watch football with you." Even if that was the reason he could have said "I just love you so much" or "well you're carrying my baby I can do something." So he recorded the game and I went and watched it with his family like we have every football Sunday for the last 5 years. Then when he gets home at 6 he goes out in the living room and watches the game. At 8:30 he finally comes in the bedroom and asks what's wrong. I told him "I thought I'd get to spend some time with you tonight." and his response was "Well you could have watched the game with me." No, I shouldn't have too, you should spend time with me and watch the damn game some other time! Just like he tells me he doesn't CHOOSE to go hunting over me. Well the way I see it is he has a choice to either go hunting or to stay home with me, he goes hunting, that's making a choice.
Yesterday he said to me after I asked him if he was staying home when he got out of work "I was thinking about going to my dad's to hunt, but only if it's ok with you." I told him "you know how I feel, you decide" I'm so sick of being the bad guy and saying no so that he can be mad at me. It makes me feel just as bad as him leaving. So he writes back to me (we were texting cause I was at work) "then I won't go I guess." Still making me feel bad because once again I've made him unhappy. I told him "I'm sorry if that came across wrong but I'm sick of being the bad guy, I don't like upsetting you." He says "it just sucks when the weekend comes and the weather sucks for hunting." Of course I point out "But you would still hunt in the crappy weather even if you hunted all week." He says "Yeah but bow season isn't very long, plus I'm not gonna miss anymore football games so that's more time I'm not going to be able to hunt." At this point I'm balling my eyes out at work and really hurt so I just say "you just go do whatever you want and don't worry about me." He says "I'd love to go hunt but it's not worth it if you're getting upset and mad." This is when I told him "That's just it, I'm already upset because I feel like I have to beg you to stay home. I want you to want to be there and not wish you were some where else." He says "You don't have to beg me to stay home, but it's hunting season and that's never been any different." I pointed out that "it is different, you didn't use to go hunting every night during the week before. And you have to realize that things are changing, I've been trying not to bother you with all this emotion crap, but it's hard to hold it in." His last words were "That's fine, I'm going home. But if I don't work tomorrow or the next day I'll be hunting." This really broke my heart. He doesn't say anything about how I'm feeling or how he has to give up hunting time to be with me, but he'll give it up to watch football. I'm just so hurt. And hunting lasts until almost Christmas!
And this weekend he's not going to my sister's family weekend at school after we've bought football tickets because he wants to go hunting. I even told him when it was before I bought the tickets and he said he wanted to go. Until last week when he realized it's this weekend.
Am I over reacting? Is it just the hormones? Does it matter if it's just hormones?
I understand how you feel been there before with my exhubby when I was pg, well he ran off and joined the army while i was 5 months pg and used to tell me i was fat and gross.didn't come back till 7 weeks after I delived Arthur and didn't want to take care of him or work it was hell. You should spend the free time you have together now cause once that lil one comes, everything changes in a big way. I've read lots of your post and it seems he likes to go out alot, and when baby comes it shouldn't be all about you to care for him/her, and it sounds like it maybe will happen. You need to put your foot down and say hey this is how it needs to be, cause if not your just going to continue to be hurt and cry. I've learned from my past relationships to be a bitch, it's the only thing that seems to work, cause being nice doesn't, only hurts your feelings in the end. You seem to take very good care of him and everything he's put you through with jobs and such and he needs to grow up and man up he's going to be a daddy, not leave it all on your shoulders. I'm not trying to sound bitter just hate to see you upset and cry makes me cry reading your post, I've also delt with depression in my life and it doesn't help with the extra hormones raging. Sit down and lay out the rules and exactly how you both feel and make out a plan that fits you both not just him!!
ReplyDeleteGood Luck
Becki
Aww sweetie! It does NOT matter if it's hormones or not! You're upset and you should talk to him about it. I know it can be easier to just "give up" because fighting with your husband sucks, but like "pooh" said, it'll just hurt you more. Please talk to him, even if it'll make you feel like the bad guy at the time, in the end you will feel better. Hang in there hon!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
-D
Aw, I'm sorry you are feeling sad and alone. It shouldn't matter if it's hormones or not, your hubby should realize that your life has changed with the pregnancy and he should be making some changes as well. It stinks tho because you can't force him to change. I do think however that you need to talk to him. He needs to know how you are feeling and why and that perhaps he needs to evaluate his priorities. We all need to blow off steam. It's ok that he likes to hunt but things change and he needs to be there for you and your growing family. Good luck sweetie. ! (hugs)
ReplyDeleteOh my...been a while since I've read blogs and sorry that you've had ups and more downs. :(
ReplyDeleteIt is hard and a big change being pregnant, but it is more of a change when baby arrives. You think you don't have time now...just wait, even taking a bathroom break will be hard to do. YOu need to let B know this now though...how you feel, what you feel, and anything on your mind. I can understand his wanting to go hunt...might now that he won't be able to once baby arrives, and let him. I'm not saying he should go everyday and ignore you, but tell him he can go but after baby arrives (and maybe even once you hit that last trimester), he is all yours and baby. Tell him that you'll need him a lot when baby comes. I don't know if you will be going back to work after, but I had to even quit my job and have been at home since then (almost 4 yrs) because it is consuming. My sis did go back to work after 1 month, but she had no choice (hubby in Iraq). Well, I hope you feel better...I was also alone when I was pg, but because hubby working away, and remember the crying at night for no reason. It gets better...and if he goes out, you should try to or have people over. I'm sure they will understand how you are feeling and bring potluck. Well, better get to lunch (running late today), but will check in later. If not, since I'll be going out of town for Halloween, have agreat one and have fun!! Remember that the baby feels what you feels and I jsut read that being depressed isn't good for both of you...so SMILE! Know it is hard, but you'll get through it. Take care. :)
Aw, Brandi, Im sorry B is being so dense. It just sounds like he totally doesnt get it. Im sorry you are having such a tough time. ((hug))
ReplyDeleteHormones or not, it is always upsetting when a spouse is involved in other things. But I do have to say that hunting especially is hard to compete with. Maybe you could go with him when gun season opens and sit in the stand with him. That would show him you are trying. It is the last season he'll have to hunt without a child in the picture, so maybe you could let him hunt as much as possible b/c he'll likely not do it as much with a baby around. It's a hard sacrifice to make, I know, but if he sees you giving in a little, he might give a little too. Just a suggestion, and probably not what you wanted to hear right now. Also, I know that men don't bond with their unborn babies as easily as mothers do, but he'll come around eventually when he sees your belly moving. Hang in there.
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