Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Talk

After my time at my mom's camp on Friday night and most of the day Saturday I was nervous driving home.  I kept repeating in my head how I wanted to start the conversation.  I had to be sure I made my point clear and stuck to my guns.  He had to know how hurt and burnt out I am.  As I walked to the front door and in I could hear my heart beating.  I'm not one to tell someone something they are doing is negative, especially some one I love.  But I knew for my own sanity I needed to do it.  I had stopped and picked up pizza and we ate.  Well I tried to eat, we chatted about Lillian and her antics while we were at camp.  After we ate it was time.  I got out my note pad.  I started with "First of all I don't want to just hear what you think I want to hear.  I want you to be honest with me.  I can't let things get like this again because I will give up, I just can't do it. I need to know you are going to work at this."  He started tearing there.  I pushed on.  I told him everything that has been bothering me the last few weeks, some from throughout my pregnancy and even a few things that I know will be an issue in the coming months.

Without going into detail:
  • The kids and I are a reason to stay home and not go hang out with friends, even if they are doing something more exciting.
  • Complaining that you can't do something fun isn't acceptable, it's childish and you do way more than I do.  This includes acting miserable so that I just let you go so that I don't have to deal with you.  
  • Everything you do is teaching our 3 year old how to act, if you can throw a fit, why can't she?
  • Don't expect me to extra things in the morning because you didn't get them done.
  • If you put your clothes away you would know where things are and not have to get mad at me for not knowing.
That was pretty much it I think.  We left the diving up the chores and such for Sunday.  I had made a list of everything I do, including the things that he can't do for me, just so he knows how much I do.  Sunday we discussed who is going to do what chores, which are daily and which are weekly.  We decided to make a chart and I'm excited to get it done.  So far things are going good.  Today is his first rain day and I'm anxious to see if he really does the things he said he would.  I really hope we can stick with this.  My big take away is that I need to speak up when something upsets me and stop pushing it aside to avoid the argument cause it just makes it worse.

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