How Things Should Be

How I think things should be in my home and how they are right now are totally opposite and it's really starting to wear on me.  This is part of the reason for yesterdays post.  If things were the way I think they should be, we would have time to discuss things while Lillian isn't around.
** Edit** I wrote this yesterday based on how the morning went and the night before.  Now last night B was extremely helpful, we worked together to get dishes and dinner done and he helped with bath time.  This morning he got up when I woke him, made our coffee, got Lillian ready, took stuff to the car, and helped get the girls to the car**

How Things Should Be - Mornings:
Brandi - run/workout, shower, get Delaney's and my work stuff together, dress myself and Delaney, feed/pump,
Brian - let the dogs out, make coffee, dress, get Lillian up and ready, help me take kids to the car.

How Things Are - Mornings:
Brandi - Run/work out, wake Brian, make coffee for myself (for while I get ready), shower, feed/pump (I do this at the same time), dress myself and Delaney, get my stuff and Delaney's ready to go, let the dogs out, make 2nd pot of coffee for go mugs and his thermos, wake Lillian, get her ready, take both kids to the car
Brian - watch the news, get dressed, make coffee go mugs and thermos, take bags to the car, start vehicles.

How Things Should Be - Work Hours:
Brandi - Do work for my work, maybe pay some bills
Brian - Do work for work, if he gets done early do any shopping or chores that need to be done.  Maybe start dinner, or at least have a suggestion if we need something.

How Things Are - Work Hours:
Brandi - Do work for work, pay some bills, grocery shopping/errands during some lunch hours, make any phone calls needed.
Brian - Works, if he gets done early he goes home, some times mows lawn, some times does dishes, mostly watches TV, naps, or goes somewhere with friends

How Things Should Be - Evenings:
Brandi - Pick up Delaney, Pick up Lillian, take care of pumped milk, get next days bottles ready, feed Delaney twice between 5 and 8, eat dinner, clear table, do a load of wash (just switch and fold what's in dryer), Put Delaney to bed.
Brian - Make dinner, do dishes, give Lillian a bath, put Lillian to bed (in her bed).

How Things Are - Evenings:
Brandi - Pick up the girls (takes an hour), take care of pumped milk, get bottles ready, feed Delaney twice, eat dinner clear table, watch Lillian in bath from my bedroom where I'm feeding Delaney, lay with girls while they go to sleep. Some times I have to make dinner too.
Brian - Some times he cooks, some times he cleans up the table, watches TV, has a snack, gets Lillian out of tub and put pull up on, watches more TV, goes to bed.  He will come discipline Lillian if I am unable to when she's laying down for bed.

Other Stuff:
Lillian should be sleeping in her bed and him in our bed, but she sleeps with me and he sleeps in her room.

I should not get blamed for him not having coffee to take to work because he laid in bed a half hour after I woke up him up.

He should not be upset because he's going to be leaving late, he leaves 45 minutes before he has to be to work and it only takes 10 minutes to get there!  I leave 45 minutes before I have to be there and my drive time is almost 40 minutes, plus taking the girls into their different sitters.

I should talk to him more about what he can do rather than just doing it myself to avoid an argument.

I need to remember that my run/work out in the morning is my "me time" even if it is only a half hour and not always what I want to do.

Now I need to start working on ways to change the things that are wrong.

"Discussions"

Better known as arguments.  I think it's about time B and I have one because we've been increasingly short with one another and it normally happens because something irritates us, but we don't get a chance to talk about it, so then we get short and that irritates the other, then they get short and it just keeps building until we pretty much don't even remember what the first thing was.

Our problem is that Lillian thinks she needs to be part of every conversation.  Even if she's off playing by herself she's listening, and most times what we need to talk about involves her.  We follow the "don't argue or discuss punishment in front of the kids" policy, as much as possible.

There is just so much I need to talk about with him and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna cry (I'm still very emotional) and that bothers Lillian.  Last time it happened she yelled at him and that's not good.

So when and how do you solve problems with you significant other???

Where to Start?

There has been so much I want to blog about lately and I'm sure most of it will never get up here.  I was going to do a week by week of Delaney's first 7 weeks, but it's looking like that might be done in pictures instead.  The highlights are:

• At 2.5 weeks she was diagnosed with reflux.  I tried taking dairy out of my diet for a week and it didn't help.  The poor girl was screaming, spitting up and obviously in pain after every feeding.
• At the reflux apt, 2 weeks after her first apt, she had gained a pound and a half!
• She was put on Zantac
• We had to start feeding her every 2-3 hours so that she didn't over eat, had to change her BEFORE every feeding and pretty much keep her sitting up at all times.  Oh and let her sleep on her belly whenever possible.

Just over the last few weeks has her reflux been getting better.  At her 1 month appointment she had gained 3lbs and grown an inch!  Although she still spits up frequently, due to her weight gain the doctor isn't all that worried about it, I have a big girl!

She started at the sitter this week as I returned to work and it's been a rough week for me.  She is doing well though.  She started the week by extending her sleeping time to 5 hours before waking to eat and didn't have too much trouble with gas.  Last night she surprised the heck out of me by sleeping all night!!! 8pm to after 5am!!! Boy were my girls sore this morning!

Pumping is going rather well.  At the beginning of last week I started pumping off one side while she ate off the other and right now I'm averaging about 4-6oz more than what she is eating in a day.  That's a whole extra bottle and at least one feeding!  At the sitters she's drinking 4 - 4oz bottles but its over 6-8 feedings.

Lillian meets Baby Sister

Ready to go home

How we started every morning for 6 weeks!

She loves Baby Sister

1.5 weeks old

She wants to "play" with her all the time!

Delaney meets Mimi (my grandma)

Delaney meets PopPop (my grandpa)

Grandma and Delaney on Easter

L&D: Act II Scene 2 (The Final Act?)

After writing my last post my back ached all day and continued to have bloody show.  When I got home B begged me to sit down and relax, but there was no way I could do that knowing that being on my feet might help things get started.  I did some laundry and cooked dinner.  Around 7 I started having contractions about 15 minutes apart.  Nothing overly painful, so I waited a bit and kept timing them.  After a while they hadn't gotten stronger or closer together and my water hadn't broken so I decided I should get some sleep if I could.  It took quite a while to fall asleep with my hopes so high and labor possibly starting, but I managed.

Around 1am my first contraction woke me up.  Then I was woken up every 12 minutes until I just stayed away at 2am.  At 3am I finally decided to get out of bed and walk around and get things going.  Well it blew up in my face!  My contractions spread out, got random and eventually were more than a half hour apart.  I went back to bed around 5.  I think I may have even cried at this point.  The next morning I got up with Lillian and B, but I was depressed.  After a while I went back to my bed and cried some.  I really wanted to take a nap, but Lillian wanted my attention so we watched some TV, read some books and just cuddled.  Then her grandma called an offered to take her for the night.  I agreed because the plan was that if I went into labor she was going there anyway.  Of course the second I agreed I wished I hadn't, I knew it was only going to be a few days before baby was here and I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could.  But after thinking it over, it was more fair for Lillian to go have fun than be home worried about me and my crying.  So around 11 I think it was Lillian left happily with her grandparents and I promptly drew myself a nice warm bath and got in.  I stayed in the tub for quite some time.  B came in and talked me a few times and I was having some random but really strong contractions, like the ones that you can't move through.

After talking to him and my mother I decided that while he was playing cards with my mom at the bar I would hang out at her house just so I was closer to them in case it was time.  We left for my mom's early, around 2 even though cards wasn't until 5:30, we figured we'd hang out a bit and I'd have so new areas to walk around.  While talking with my mom she suggested I just go to cards with them.  B had already suggested and my aunt who also plays cards had suggested it to my mom too.  I agreed rather than sitting at her house alone.  I walked  around her house and around 4 I started timing my contractions yet again.  I was afraid to because every time I did they would spread out again.  This time though, they didn't.  By 4:30 the only time they went more than 5 minutes was if I went from standing to sitting or sitting to standing.  And when I made that change I would have a VERY painful contraction.  Around 5 we headed to the bar where they play cards.  Contractions spread to about 10 minutes, but as soon as we got there they went back to 5 minutes.  People were joking that I was going to have the baby right there.  About 5:30 and the time cards started I was having trouble walking through the contractions.  Over the next half hour I tried changing positions a few times, but it did really effect the contractions much besides make me have one!  At 6 I called the midwife, of course I got the answering service.  Within a few minutes she called me back though.  After just a minute she could tell the contractions were strong and told me to head to L&D.

I have to say I have no idea how women in labor can stand more than a 10 minute drive to the hospital when in labor.  I was so glad I wasn't at my house!  They got me checked in and up to L&D pretty quickly.  I had to pee so bad and was thankful they didn't make me wait, not sure I could have.  As I went into the bathroom I had a really strong contraction and when I came out after putting my gown on and all I thought I still felt wet.  The nurse asked if I thought I was leaking any fluid and I happily announced "I think my water just broke!"  Sure enough it had when they tested.  It was about 6:30 now and the nurse came in and checked me.  Apparently my cervix was still pretty high because she was having a hard time determining if I was still at a 3 or if what she thought was the other side of my cervix was the sac and I was actually more like a 7.  A second nurse (with bigger hands) came in and checked me, she said I was still a three and my heart sank.  The nurses tried twice to draw my blood and get my IV in.  Finally they decided to do them separately and got both on the 3rd try.  I was asked several times over the time they were trying how far apart my contractions were when I arrived because they quickly went from 5 to 2.  My midwife then came in and decided to check me herself, I was glad because she said I was more like a 5 or 6.  Don't know if I made that progress or the nurses were wrong, but I like that number much better.  And I was even happier when she announced "You aren't leaving without a baby!"  Some time around 7:30 or 8 I was finally able to get in the tub.  I was really hoping for some sweet relief, my hips and thighs were killing me!  The tub felt great but killed my back when contractions hit.  And of course during this time the Duke vs NC game was on and B was watching that.  I will say he did very well paying attention to me though.  I have no idea how long I was in the tub, I just know I definitely went through transition there because I kept having to tell B and my mom to not stop rubbing whatever it was they were rubbing.  I must have been in for about 45 minutes cause just as I decided I needed to get out the nurse was coming in to check baby's heart rate.  I thought I had to pee when I got out so I sat on the toilet, had 3 contractions but couldn't go.  Stood up, had a contraction, got my gown on, had a contraction, walked the 5 steps to my room, had a contraction, midwife said I want to check you, I got on the bed, had a contraction and informed her I needed to push, before the next contraction hit the bed was converted for delivery and she said I could make a small push while she got her gloves on.

In the mean time mom's phone had rang and she was in the bathroom on the phone, the midwife kept telling her it was time and she basically made it just in time to hold my leg.  I pushed for a total of 3 contractions and she was out in 5 minutes!  After her head was out my midwife told me to put my hands between my legs and I was able to grab on to her and pull her up onto my chest, where she stayed for over an hour before they did any testing, cleaning or anything.

I have to say, other than the starting and stopping of contractions, my labor was perfect.  No meds, no long hours of walking the halls this time, and being able to put her on my check myself was amazing!

Delaney Rose was born at 9:35pm, 8lb 4oz (same as Lillian) 22inces long!

Delaney Rose

3/3/12, 8lb 4oz, 22inches

There is a birth story post coming...

Thoughts on Membrane Stripping/Sweeping

Not that there isn't already a million places on the internet to find information and opinions on membrane stripping.  I thought I'd share my experience and thoughts on it anyway.

As I mentioned in my last post it didn't really hurt besides the pressure of being checked.  Of course being dilated to 3 probably helps.  I would guess if you are only at 1 it would be more painful.

My cramping has continued off and on since having it done, almost 48 hours ago now.  I was cramping before, but probably not as frequently, its not something I was really keeping track of.

As for contractions, I haven't had any "Real" ones.  As in the ones that start in your back and work their way around your belly until the whole thing is contracted.  What I have had is some that start in my back, go around my hips and only part way up my belly.  Which is more "real" than the ones I was having before the stripping that all started in the front.

I do believe the the stripping is what caused me to lose my mucus plug.  This never happened with Lillian and I had no idea what to expect, but when it happens, its hard to miss.  The first part came and I was like "wow, that quite the glob, but not as gross as I had expected."  Well then more came out a 2nd and 3rd time over the last 24 hours and I realized how gross that really would have been had it all came out at once.

I did call the midwife this morning because I had some red blood streaks, but she said it's normal and as long as it's not a flow I'm fine.

I've got everything but my legs crossed that things will really start progressing now!

Ready or Not?

It's looking right now like the answer is not :(

All the way to my appointment yesterday I was preparing myself to hear that I was not dilated any more and that she wasn't going to be able to strip my membranes.  After all the customary question and answers she asked me if I wanted her to strip my membranes if she could.  My immediate answer was "Yes!".  She said "Even if it means you might have her today?"  My answer "I would learn to live with it if she arrives today!"

As she's preparing to examine me she says "Show me a 5!"  and I was like "I'm not going to get my hopes up for that."  But when she checked she said right away "We have a 3!  Are you ready?"  Boy was I ever!  It really didn't bother me at all.

After leaving I had some cramping and discomfort while eating lunch and every time I took a step while walking around all after noon I felt like I had to pee.  But other than that, there hasn't been much to speak of.  Throughout the night I woke a few times to what I thought was going to be a real contraction, starting in the back, working it's way around the front and top, but they never made it all the way around my belly.

I've done lots of reading and it pretty much seems like it only works part of the time, there doesn't seem to be any set of conditions that make it more probable than others either.  And it seems that it can take anywhere up to 48hrs for labor to even start.

I'm thinking it might not work this time because she did mention that she's a little confused on why I look like I've dropped, I'm measuring like I've dropped, and have all the "symptoms" of dropping, but the baby's head didn't feel that low when she was in there.  It has me a little concerned on the size and position of the baby, but she didn't seem too worried.

Just Not Today

Seems weird to feel like I've been praying for this little one to come out forever, but right now, I don't want her to come out today.

I have lots of people telling me she's coming today and if she continues her streak of doing exactly the opposite of what mommy wants, she'll be here within 16 hours or so.  At my appointment today, cervix willing, the plan is to strip my membranes.  I was a fingertip dilated last time so hopefully the contractions over the last week have helped me get to at least 1cm and things will go smoothly, but not so smoothly that my labor is less than 12 hours.

Really if she is born on this 29th day of February, it won't be a huge deal, I will be happy to meet her whenever she decides to arrive.  I just won't be looking forward to explaining to her when she turns 5, 6 or 7 why she doesn't have an actual birthday.

So with the notion that she will hopefully be coming in the next day or two I've been thinking about how I want to handle things after labor.  After Lillian was born I had a bombardment of people in the room before I was even able to shower.  I refuse to let that happen again this time.  I actually have pictures of people other than me and B holding my baby girl in the same room that I gave birth to her in.  In my hospital the birthing rooms and recovery rooms are in different hallways.  So here's the thought I have...I have a list of people I (or some one) will be sending labor updates to.  Once the wee one is born I will send stats and a message saying we thank everyone for their support and patience.  We will start accepting visitors... (obviously this will depend on the time of day she's born).

My other thought is that I'm worried about how Lillian is going to react to her little sister and me having to be so attentive to her.  While I know that she understands there is a baby coming and that right now she's in my belly, I know she doesn't understand that it means she can't have all my attention.  I'm trying to decide on how I want to introduce them.  I think the best option is to just have the baby in the room and in the bassinet when Lillian arrives to meet her, not me or daddy holding her.  That way I can love on Lillian right away and let her know how much I've missed her.  Then introduce her to the baby.  And of course we have a gift from baby sister to Lillian and a shirt that says "Best Big Sister Ever" for her to wear.

Another thought I've had to help Lillian deal with not being the center of attention is to ask all visitors to come in and say hi to Lillian first and let Lillian introduce or show them the baby.  Let her say "see my baby sister" or something like that rather than them just rushing to the baby like many family members do.  Do you think it's rude of me to mention this to people who may visit?  I just really don't want her to feel left out.

Do you think any of this sounds unreasonable?  Or have a better suggestion on ways to introduce baby to siblings and stop visitors from invading?

39 Week Love

I certainly didn't think I'd be writing a 39 week post!  Especially with the amount of Braxton Hicks contractions I had starting around 20 weeks.

Right now I'm taking things day by day.  Last night B asked how I was doing and my response was "I made it through today, I can make it through tomorrow."  It's getting hard though.  My body aches, my muscles ache and feel week and the thought of doing anything other than sitting on my ass generally makes me cringe.

One thing I'm loving though is the love my baby girl has been giving me.  She got to stay home with her daddy yesterday, but when she woke up and realized I wasn't there too she was not happy.  She wanted to see mommy.  After lunch time she called to tell me how she was looking for me when she got and how she was going to hide when I got home so I could find her.

When I got home we played on my (thankfully King Sized) bed where she showed me over and over that she could summer salts and when she'd tip side ways she'd say "Ooops that wasn't a good one."  She helped me make dinner, well really all she did was press the buttons on the microwave, but I have found that to be very useful in teaching her what each written number looks like.  And we took a bath where she lined up all her letters according to color and told me she was putting this one on the right and that one on the left and even one in the middle.  I really can't believe how smart she is.

At 4 this morning when her daddy picked her up and put her in our bed I really didn't mind much.  She came right over to me and told me she loved me and cuddled with me until I had to get up at 5.  As much as I hate her sleeping with us this mornings love was great!  I'm really starting to feel the pull at the heart strings that I'm not going to be able to giver her all my attention soon.

And just to keep up, here's this weeks belly picture...

 Doesn't look like much change from last week to me.  But you sure can tell I'm running out of clothes that fit!

Fears

My fears this time around have generally been much different from my fears the first time around, and my fears about labor and delivery are no different.

Last time it was pretty much a fear of the unknown.  I wanted a natural labor in the worst way, but wasn't sure I would be able to do it.  I feared I was going to need a c-section, which would force me to have a spinal, which I have a huge fear of.  The thought of the possibility of not "feeling" my legs scares the shit out of me!

This time though, my fears have nothing to do with the actual pain and labor, it has to do with timing.  Granted there is nothing I can control about the timing, but maybe this is why it scares me so much.  I'm scared that I will be alone with Lillian when I go into labor, that my husband won't be able to get to me.  I'll have to drive Lillian some where while in labor and that I will then be alone.

Right now it is still bowling season and my husband is gone every Tuesday night from about 5 to 10 pm give or take a half hour or so.  Normally I go to my mother's while he is gone and this is great, but due to circumstances she can't control, she hasn't been able to be home.  On top of that my back up person has been attending high school basketball playoff games, which wouldn't be so bad if you could actually hear a phone in the gym.

I'm hating that I live a minimum of 15 minutes from the hospital and no one lives between me and the hospital.  Should I need a ride to the hospital while B isn't home I'd have to wait at least 15 minutes for some one to get there and then it's another 15 minutes to the hospital

I really liked how my labor progressed with Lillian and I pray for the same thing again.  My water broke, I went to the hospital and labored there.  I feel safe with that happening, I know that I will have time to take Lillian some where and get to the hospital, or at least take her there with me and have her picked up.  But this whole "call me when the contractions are 5 minutes apart and you can't walk or talk through them" crap is not cool.  Obviously I should do something with Lillian before my contractions get to that point, but at what point do we know that they are going to get there.  The other night I had pretty decent contractions 10 minutes apart for 2 hours and it went no where.  I can't expect everyone to put their life on hold because I might go into labor.