Monday, February 27, 2012


My fears this time around have generally been much different from my fears the first time around, and my fears about labor and delivery are no different.

Last time it was pretty much a fear of the unknown.  I wanted a natural labor in the worst way, but wasn't sure I would be able to do it.  I feared I was going to need a c-section, which would force me to have a spinal, which I have a huge fear of.  The thought of the possibility of not "feeling" my legs scares the shit out of me!

This time though, my fears have nothing to do with the actual pain and labor, it has to do with timing.  Granted there is nothing I can control about the timing, but maybe this is why it scares me so much.  I'm scared that I will be alone with Lillian when I go into labor, that my husband won't be able to get to me.  I'll have to drive Lillian some where while in labor and that I will then be alone.

Right now it is still bowling season and my husband is gone every Tuesday night from about 5 to 10 pm give or take a half hour or so.  Normally I go to my mother's while he is gone and this is great, but due to circumstances she can't control, she hasn't been able to be home.  On top of that my back up person has been attending high school basketball playoff games, which wouldn't be so bad if you could actually hear a phone in the gym.

I'm hating that I live a minimum of 15 minutes from the hospital and no one lives between me and the hospital.  Should I need a ride to the hospital while B isn't home I'd have to wait at least 15 minutes for some one to get there and then it's another 15 minutes to the hospital

I really liked how my labor progressed with Lillian and I pray for the same thing again.  My water broke, I went to the hospital and labored there.  I feel safe with that happening, I know that I will have time to take Lillian some where and get to the hospital, or at least take her there with me and have her picked up.  But this whole "call me when the contractions are 5 minutes apart and you can't walk or talk through them" crap is not cool.  Obviously I should do something with Lillian before my contractions get to that point, but at what point do we know that they are going to get there.  The other night I had pretty decent contractions 10 minutes apart for 2 hours and it went no where.  I can't expect everyone to put their life on hold because I might go into labor.

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