Flaws

I have decided to give up on the party, there is just too much crap going on between the day we find out and the weekend we were going to have the party.  I'm very disappointed because this was going to be the only "celebration" for this baby.  It's just been too stressful trying to plan around this and that.  In reality it doesn't really matter to anyone else how they find out the gender of the baby.

There is also a flaw with my Poll, I still want to do the drawing for the hat, but if you want to be entered you also have to leave a comment with your guess because apparently I can't see who votes for what using that poll.  Sorry for that.

Then we have my own flaws, or possibly pregnancy flaws, but either way, I'm going nuts.  I'm already having anxiety attacks over leaving my babies when I have to return to work.  I still HATE leaving Lillian every morning and I know that when this baby gets here I'm going to feel even worse about leaving her because I will have even less one on one time with her.  Moving her to her big girl bed has really hit me hard.  I didn't realize how much the cuddle at night in my bed meant to me until it was gone.  I know that for her own good and mine I can't let her continue to be in the habit of going to bed with mommy, but I miss it.  It makes me cry.  I know it will get better, but these damn hormones make me feel like I'll always feel this way.  I've even wondered if I'm really cut out for this whole Mommy thing.  I mean I know I can raise my children up to be good, decently intelligent adults, but what I don't know is if I can handle the "firsts" and the letting go.  This Big Girl Bed has made me realize how many firsts I have coming, there are so many!!!  Her first day of school, her first time being left alone, her first shower without me in the room... That's just a few, but right now the thought of everyone of them makes me want to cry!

I'm sure it's just hormones, but I just feel like this feeling will never go away...