Flaws

I have decided to give up on the party, there is just too much crap going on between the day we find out and the weekend we were going to have the party.  I'm very disappointed because this was going to be the only "celebration" for this baby.  It's just been too stressful trying to plan around this and that.  In reality it doesn't really matter to anyone else how they find out the gender of the baby.

There is also a flaw with my Poll, I still want to do the drawing for the hat, but if you want to be entered you also have to leave a comment with your guess because apparently I can't see who votes for what using that poll.  Sorry for that.

Then we have my own flaws, or possibly pregnancy flaws, but either way, I'm going nuts.  I'm already having anxiety attacks over leaving my babies when I have to return to work.  I still HATE leaving Lillian every morning and I know that when this baby gets here I'm going to feel even worse about leaving her because I will have even less one on one time with her.  Moving her to her big girl bed has really hit me hard.  I didn't realize how much the cuddle at night in my bed meant to me until it was gone.  I know that for her own good and mine I can't let her continue to be in the habit of going to bed with mommy, but I miss it.  It makes me cry.  I know it will get better, but these damn hormones make me feel like I'll always feel this way.  I've even wondered if I'm really cut out for this whole Mommy thing.  I mean I know I can raise my children up to be good, decently intelligent adults, but what I don't know is if I can handle the "firsts" and the letting go.  This Big Girl Bed has made me realize how many firsts I have coming, there are so many!!!  Her first day of school, her first time being left alone, her first shower without me in the room... That's just a few, but right now the thought of everyone of them makes me want to cry!

I'm sure it's just hormones, but I just feel like this feeling will never go away...

17 Weeks

I can't believe I'm almost half way there!  For some reason that seems to be a big point for me this time.  I'm really hating this in between stage of only feeling the baby every few days.  I keep telling myself to be patient, but it doesn't keep me from worrying.  And I also know that soon after feeling frequent movement comes the uncomfortable positions and feet, hands, butt, whatever in my ribs.

October 14th is the big ultrasound day if I haven't mentioned it already.  I am going to add a poll to the sidebar so you can vote for boy or girl.  Of the people who guess correctly, I'll use random.org to choose a winner for a free crocheted hat of your choice! 

 

17 Weeks with Lillian






17 Weeks Baby 2



Week 17 according to Baby.Center:

Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now, and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.

This week we have a Hockey Puck/Turnip.  In all honesty I don't really have any idea of the actual size of either of them!

So here is another one we should all be familiar with...

Big Girl Bed!

The switch has been made and I really thought it would have more of an impact on Lillian than it would me!  I really shouldn't be thinking obviously!  Things have gone great so far! 

Saturday Lillian and I went to the mall.  We got picked out her bedding and may I say she did a wonderful job.  Not only did she pick a set that matches her room colors perfectly (pink and green), but the 8 piece set was on clearance for $20!!!  In the mean time Daddy was home taking down the crib and moving her bed into her room.


Arranging her stuffed animals



After shopping and seeing The Lion King 3D (I don't remember there being that much violence in that movie) we went to my MIL's for dinner and a movie.  My exhausted big girl fell asleep on the couch around 7:30.  Considering she only had two 10 minute naps, I wasn't surprised.  When we finally got home around 9:30 she slept in the recliner until Daddy and I got the sheets on her bed (I washed them while at my MIL's).  When we moved her to her new bed she woke up.  She was a little confused, she wanted to know where grandma was.  I think I layed with her for a half hour before she drifted back off to sleep until 6:30 yesterday morning.  Considering she is normally up at 6 I thought that was great!



"Mommy get your camera please!"

She had to have room to sit with them!



Last night at 7:30 she wasn't ready to go to bed, but Mommy and Daddy insisted and after only one raise of the voice she picked out her PJs and got ready for bed.  We read her bed time story, gave her kisses and turned out the light with the promise that I would be back in a few minutes.  After 10 minutes I went back to check on her.  She was awake laying there trying to sleep, but asked for her little lamp to be turned back on.  Which actually made me feel better because it was pitch black and if she was going to get up I want her to be able to see a little.  I kissed her again and told her I'd come back to check on her.  5 minutes later I peeked in and she was out!  Considering we went from sleeping with mommy for a week and watching a movie to fall asleep every night in mommy's bed, I was amazed! 



Excited to cuddle with them



She had to make sure she had enough room to sit with them along the wall.



She did wake up at 3:30 and came in my room, but we went back to her room, found her binkie and she went back to sleep.  I hope this continues with as much ease as it started!

Sleeping after her first night with the new bedtime routine.

This has honestly been much harder on me than I anticipated.  I didn't realize how much that cuddle time at night effected me too.  Although I hated being woken up by kicks and then having to move her to her bed, I loved the cuddles.  Her not crying for me to watch a movie with her or even lay with her hit me like a ton of bricks!

 

Party On!

Just a quick update for those that care...
I asked B what he thought of limiting the guest list to people that we see and/or talk to on a weekly or biweekly basis at least. He thought it was a good idea!

Let the party planning begin!

Sick

Yes I know I promised a 16 week update, but I came down with a sinus cold and just didn't feel like it, and still don't really. I'm exhausted and really want to be home in bed again today, but I just can't use the time off right now.

As for the party, I'm still up in the air.  I'm leaning more towards just not doing it, but if I do decide to I think I may just invite the people I see on weekly to biweekly basis.  Or at least talk to once a week.  This would narrow my list considerably.  And I figure I should do that with the "friends" too.  I guess we'll see what B has to say.  Right now he says we can only invite the friends if the family is invited.

16 Weeks and More Unexpected Happenings

Thanks for the comments yesterday girls.  I don't think my family and friends would think ill of a gender reveal party and I suppose anyone that doesn't care to celebrate it with me, doesn't have to.

Now the next problem is the guest list.  Who I really want to invite is just our immediate family (the grandparents and my sister) and our closest friends.  This would be about 30 people total, if everyone showed up and I know that there are a few that couldn't.  Ideally I only want 25 people there anyway.  The problem, this means not inviting the 15 extended family members that expect to be invited to everything and won't understand why friends got invited before they did.  Don't get me wrong, some of them would completely understand (and of course they are the ones that if I could pick and choose would be invited).

Unexpected: B talked this through with me last night and since most of the extended family is on his side he says that either we just have a dinner party to celebrate or invite everyone.  What would you do?  Inviting everyone is almost 50 people!

Unexpected #2: My midwife had a student working for her yesterday.  This normally doesn't bother me for an exam or my general health, but when it comes to my unborn child it makes me a little nervous.  He was good though and admitted when he wasn't sure about something and needed to ask my MW which I was thankful for.  What I wasn't thankful for was him searching for a heartbeat for over 5 minutes before going to get my MW.  I knew right away he wasn't going to find it because even though I told him the baby was low he never put the doppler low enough and second he certainly wasn't pressing hard enough.  Thankfully he went and got my MW just before I was just going to ask for the dang doppler.  She came in and found the heartbeat right away!  Talk about relief. (oh it was 153 by the way, I'll do my weekly post tomorrow)

Unexpected #3:  Lastly was a very nice surprise.  I was telling B how I had been talking to Lilli about getting the big girl bed that's in her play room and giving her crib to the baby and she was so excited she wanted to get out of the bath right then and move it!  His response was, well then as soon as you are feeling better we'll get on it.  I said "you realize that means you have to start doing part of her bed time right.  Like putting her to bed, in her bed?"  He understood!  I think we may get going on this, this weekend!  I'm very excited.
Well, I'm sure there was more I wanted to say, but work interrupted me, grrr.

Please click on the link and vote for me.  I'm quickly falling out of the 200s!

Not What I Was Expecting...

Apparently a lot of things today are not going to be what I was expecting.  First I figured I'd wake up with an extremely sore throat as I'm getting my first cold of the fall season.  Instead I woke up with my throat feeling a little better, but a sinus headache that I just know is going to linger all day!

I have my 16 week OB appointment today and when I asked B if he was going to try and make it I was fully expecting an "of course".  I mean this is his baby too, right?  Well instead I got "Probably not, we're working in..."  I'm not even going to go into how I feel about this.

I figure I will probably be making my appointment for my 20 week anatomy scan today.  It got me thinking, that means there is only 4 weeks until we find out the gender of this little monkey!  Since before getting pregnant I've thrown around the idea of a Gender Reveal Party.  I don't want to have a baby shower as I already have most of what we need for this baby.  I got all the big things in gender neutral colors so I wouldn't have to worry about it.  So yeah, this means I have only 4 weeks to plan this party because we all know I can't keep a secret very long.  Anyway I started searching for ideas.

I was very disappointed when I started to read all the comments on articles and blogs about gender reveal parties.  90% of them are negative.  Saying things like "When I said greedy, I really meant more greedy in wanting attention than in wanting gifts", " agree that it's overkill. I have no problem with expectant parents being totally immersed in the pregnancy and sharing a lot. But to expect everyone to gather for everything about it... no." "No, no, no, no, no! This is really obnoxious. Even if you don't expect people to bring gifts to this gender-reveal party, you're still taking up people's time on another party that's just for you." "The byproduct of high unemployment." "I think most people probably have better things to do on a Saturday afternoon than find out if your cake has pink or blue frosting. Get over yourself."

And those are all after just 2 articles.  Does the general public really feel this way?  Are my friends and family just going to think I want attention?  I'm thinking maybe I should just forget it.

Did you have a Gender Reveal?  What were people's reactions?

BEER???

Either when I was pregnant with Lillian I didn’t have as many stressful days, or I was completely miserable and have chosen to block it out of my memory.

After a long frustrating day at work typically I would go home and have a beer or a glass of wine, or wait for days (that felt like weeks) for Thursday night bowling to roll around, to relax and take the edge off of feeling like I’m losing my sanity. While I still have the stress relief of imagining I’m rolling a rather heavy ball at whatever my current frustration is on Thursday nights, it just isn’t cutting it!

I need a new method of relaxation that isn’t going to take time from Lillian or cause me to be up until midnight, or make me gain 100lbs.

I know picky right?

There has to be something out there that will help relieve some stress, release some endorphins or something!

So, what is your new “drink” of choice???

Room for Change

I am having a very hard time deciding on what to do for bedrooms for our little ones. Do I want them to share a room? Do I give up my craft room to still have a separate play room? Do I give Lillian’s crib to the new baby? Do I get Lillian a toddler bed? Do I give Lillian the futon we have? Do I combine Lillian’s room and play room into the bigger room? Do I combine my craft room and play room?

Ok so rather than rambling off all of the question rolling through my head over and over I’ll start explaining.

Right now we have a full size bed we are keeping at my mother’s, plus a full size futon bed that is currently in the play room.

We bought Lillian’s crib with the fact in mind that she will use it for a long time. It turns from a crib to a day bed to a full size bed. Of course, this was back when the rooms we had were almost twice the size of what they are now.

I think we could fit her dresser and full size bed in her room, but that’s about it. Right now we have her crib, rocking chair, book shelf and dresser.

This is what the room set up is. The second bedroom is exactly the opposite except for window placement so any arrangement options would be the same. The second bedroom is currently my craft/workout room. It has all my bow, crochet and sewing stuff along with the treadmill.

Yes it looks roomy, but it's not to scale


The third room we have isn’t exactly a bedroom since it doesn’t have a closet, but we could still use it for one. It is currently being used as the playroom and guests typically sleep on the futon when they spend the night.

So here at the options we have:
1 – Leave Lilli in her current room with her crib. – This means buying new crib and either getting rid of my craft room. I can’t combine it with the play room because the futon would still be in there.

I don’t know if I like this idea for a few reasons. 1) a new crib is more expensive than a toddler bed. 2) I’d have to give up my craft room and I have no idea what I’d do with the treadmill that I will obviously need.

2 – Leave Lilli in her current room but buy her a new toddler bed. – Everything would be the same expect we wouldn’t have to buy a new crib.

3 – Leave Lilli in her room, but give her the futon. – We wouldn’t need to buy any new furniture and I could move my craft stuff and/or treadmill to the play room. I don’t know if I like the idea of my craft stuff, possibly dangerous, in the play room where I feel the kids should be able to play relatively unsupervised. If my stuff was in there I’d be worried about then hurting them selves or ruining something I’ve worked hard on.

4 – Move Lilli into the play room and give her the futon. Basically this would just mean moving her dresser. This would mean I could keep my craft room and baby would get Lilli’s bedroom and crib. I like the idea of still having my craft room, but I’m not sure I want toys in Lilli’s room. Right now her room is a place for settling down and sleeping, not playing and it works well for us. Especially when she doesn’t think she needs a nap. If moving her in with her toys and keeping the crib was an option I’d be happy cause she doesn’t try to get out of her crib, but I have no where to put the futon.

5 – Put Lilli and the baby in the bigger play room – We would then turn Lilli’s room into the play room. I’m not sure I want the kids sharing a room, although baby will be in our room for a few months until the nightly feedings stop. Also Lilli’s room isn’t as visible from everywhere in the house like the play room is. I like to keep an eye on her while I cook dinner or whatever.

6 - Put the play room or craft room in the dining room - Truth be told we don't use the dining table much, we typically eat in the living room.  I hate it, but can't seem to get B to revert to a kitchen table.  At any rate there is still room for the table in the kitchen should I get lucky enough to have a family dinner again some day.  The only problem I have with this idea is messes.  Lillian put her own toys "away".  Usually this consists of her just throwing her toys back in the toy room where we can clothes the door.  The craft room could go out in the open, but I tend to get a little messy when I'm working and don't always get to finish projects the same day I start them.
There are a few random thoughts that bother me.
~ I don’t know if I like moving Lilli directly to a full size bed. I know she would do fine in it as she’s slept in them alone before, but I fear I’m taking away some of her childhood, like having a tent on her bed and all the fun kid bedding with her favorite characters.
~ If we move her to the bigger room will she think it’s because we are giving the baby her room. My little girl is smart, I don’t know if she will just accept that she is “a big girl now so she gets the big room.”
~ Should I ask Lilli if she wants the big bed? What if the thought of being in the big bed in the big room is scary to her?

OK, so now that you've had a sneak peak into my over worked and over tired mind, what do you think?  All and any suggestions are welcome to help me through this because according to DH (you pick what the D stands for) "Its your decision, I don't care."

15 Weeks!!!

Yep, another week down.  Some times it's so hard to believe how far along I am.  In the numbers game it still feels very early and some days in the pregnancy game it does too, but the truth of the matter is in 5 weeks (less time than I've known I was pregnant) I will be half way there!

While I have "looked" pregnant for quite some time now, my belly is slowly starting to feel pregnant.  I noticed this this morning while laying in bed that the lower part of my belly now has a bump while laying down that is "hard" compared to the rest of the fat the nicely melts off to the sides.

Tomorrow's post is most likely going to be asking for lots of advice and trying to sort things out in my head.  I really need to make decisions on what we are going to do about bedrooms for the little ones!

Stats:
Weight:  Honestly I'm clueless.  Saturday I was +9 and today I'm  +11, I have no idea which is more accurate.
Next Appt: Sept 19, hopefully I'll be scheduling my anatomy scan after this appt!

According to Baby.Center:

Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (bout the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")

Yup, I have a little

Or for those of us who are not fruit savy...

 

The Lion King

Saturday night my MIL and I went to see The Lion King play.  I have been waiting to see this play for 12 years!  Yes 12, years.  At the age of 16 my mother and I were in NYC for a week and I wanted to see this play in the worst way.  Of course we couldn't afford it let alone get decent tickets while we were there.

The touring show finally came to a theater close by.  The show was amazing!  The costumes were extraordinary and the thought that must have gone into them is beyond my comprehension.  Obviously I was not permitted to take photos, but here are some that I found on the internet...

All of these photos can be found on Broadway.com

Hard Work

I got a nice surprise today.  Well, kind of nice.  It is review time at work, a time I generally dread for many reasons.  Today it was a nice surprise to read what my manager had to say about me though.

A little background is that back in 2009 after returning to work from my maternity leave, I found it very hard to get anything done, I couldn't concentrate on my work and I spent way too much time using the companies internet to communicate with fellow mommies.  So much so that my boss and the HR lady called me into a meeting where I broke down crying about how hard it is to be away from my daughter and how depressed I was.  Thanks to my boss, who I've been working for since 2002, I was not fired as he assured HR I was a very capable worker.  We came up with development plan to get me back on track and for the most part it worked.  After only a few month on the plan and meeting weekly to review my project statuses and sign papers for HR saying that I was following my plan and improving my work ability, the meetings started stretching out farther and my boss was complimenting on accomplishing some things and coming up with some great ideas for the group.

Last year's review was positive in the fact that I didn't have to have a special plan and I got a raise again.  I still struggle with my concentration on work and getting certain things done in a timely manner, but I'm working on it.

This year I think I've improved a little maybe.  Nothing drastic, but I work and get things done before the detrimental dead lines.  Which let me note, around here is not always done because everything is an emergency.

Today I got my review from my boss and to my surprise he feels that I am exceeding expectations in some areas and feels with a little improvement in a few other areas I will qualify for a promotion next year!  This is amazing to me cause honestly I had no idea what it would take to get a promotion around here.  Really, it's just a job title change and a little more $.  Even though this is a fortune 500 company, there isn't much room for career advancement  My boss and his boss have both been here 25 years or more and are still a distance from retirement.  There really isn't any where else to go besides their positions unless I move to another department, but then it's the same situation in all the departments...

So that's my happy news on hard work.  I'm thrilled at even the prospect of a new job title.  What scares me is the thought of what could happen when I come back from maternity leave this time.  At least I think HR will be more willing to work with me on the return to work transition this time, I hope...

Thought I'd Share

I'm feeling kind of cute today so I thought I'd share...

Yeah I know you can't really see what I look like today, but it's been a while since I put up a bump picture.

I'm glad I'm feeling decent about myself today because yesterday wasn't such a good day in that department.  And it's even better that it's today because tonight is my first night of bowling for the season and I'll be seeing people I haven't seen since April, back when I dropped 20lbs and everyone thought I looked great...
 

Toddler Lovin'

Should I be worried that everyday before leaving the sitters Lilli has to kiss the sitter's boys good-bye?  She sure does love those boys.  This was her R yesterday morning after not seeing each other for 4 days!

 

What I'm loving at the moment though is how when I showed up to pick her up yesterday afternoon she ran to the gate saying "It's my mommy! It's my mommy!"

It's been quite some time since she was that excited to see me and she kept running up to me and hugging me all night.  It was a great feeling and a great reminder of how much I mean to that little girl.
 



14 Weeks

I feel like a bad blogger.  It's been a whole week since I posted last and I swore to myself I wouldn't let that happen.  Oh well, guess I was wrong.  I just haven't been feeling all that sociable.  I know it's the internet and it's not like I'm actually interacting with people, but it still take a level of social skills that I just haven't had the last week or so.  I've even had to refrain from sending out a few work emails because I just knew that I would probably get in trouble for them.

I'm hoping I start feeling a little bit more like myself this week.  Well maybe not, my normal self isn't all that sociable either. 

My MIL and I generally get along and never have any issues.  This weekend and a few times previously since telling her I'm pregnant she has seriously pissed me off.  Most women and even men know that you don't talk about weight or weight gain with a pregnant woman.  It's just not something that is any one's business and it's a touchy subject without the pregnancy hormones to begin with.

So we were talking about how I'm feeling and such and I told her much better now that I'm taking the prilo.sec and the indigestion isn't so bad.  I think it was causing a lot of my nausea.  I also said that I can also eat a little more normally now, not quite so often and more of a variety of things.  And I said I'm trying to make sure I eat as healthy as possible without feeling sick.  She said "well that's good cause we aren't going to gain all that weight again this time are we."  Like my weight gain with Lillian affected her in some way.  Honestly, if I have to gain 55lbs again to feel half way decent for the next 6 months, then I will and I don't really think it's any of her business.  Obviously I don't want to gain that kind of weight, it's a pain in the ass to get off and I'll like crap emotionally, but if that's what it takes to not be miserable and feel sick every day, then so be it.  I don't need her telling me I can't gain that much weight.  A lot has changed in the 35 years since she was pregnant last and they told her she COULD NOT gain more than 15lbs.

With that being said...
Stats:
Weight: +10lbs
Next appt: Oct 19

I'm not all that happy about my weight because I really don't want to gain a bunch of weight this time, but being 1/3 of the way there if I keep gaining at this rate, I'll only gain 30lbs and that's 20 less than last time!  Plus I'm only working out half assed.  I still can't get my energy to cooperate.  In my mind I'm very motivated, but when my alarm goes off at 4am getting my ass out of bed to actually go do something just doesn't seem possible.  And at night I tend to fall asleep while putting Lillian to bed so it's kind of hard to work it in there anywhere with dinner, bath and bed in the whole 3-3.5 hrs I actually get to see her at night.  I wish there was a mall or something near my work where I could just go walk during my lunch.  I suppose I could use my work's walking trail, but it's outside and I'm not a big fan of walking in 80-90* temperatures and returning to work after sweating for 3 hours before I can shower again.  I don't like walking in the rain or snow either, which will be coming soon :(

In exciting news, despite what the link below for this week will tell you, I've been feeling the baby move every once in a while.  It's weird though cause I don't really remember what the beginning movements felt like with Lillian, I thought they felt fluttery, but this time, it's more like pressure of the baby "sitting" on the side of my uterus or something and it slowly moves along and then it's gone.  It does seem in line with what I've read about second pregnancies though and feeling baby a few weeks sooner.  I ready back in my blog and noticed I started feeling Lillian about 16 weeks so around 14 weeks would be right on.

This week I have a little lemon . . .

And my stomach kind of feels like I've been eating a lot of lemons, but hey, that's better than feeling like I've been drinking vinegar by the gallon right?

If you're interested in what's going on with the baby this week head on over to Baby.Center