Monday, September 24, 2012

The Compassionate One?

This weekend there was some major role reversing in my house and I don’t like it.  What I don’t like even more is that I’m not sure I would react any differently at this moment as I did when it happened.

If you remember last weekend was one with little sleep.  So much so that I didn’t even go to work on Monday.  Starting Monday night things weren’t too bad with Laney.  She pretty much slept through the night all week   She woke up earlier than usual a few days, but nothing too out of the ordinary.  

Lillian was pretty good all week.  No major fights, no bathroom accidents and no major bed time issues either!

B, well, he behaved, but it wasn’t his finest week.  Monday he came down with a cold and basically came home from work and went to bed.  Tuesday he bowled, Wed he came home whining and complaining again.  Thursday I was glad for a night away and Friday he was still miserable.

Well Wednesday I started coming down with the cold too.  But you know since I’m mom I had to suck it up…

You’ve been home with the kids for two hours buy yourself and neither one of them wants to leave you alone? Oh that’s too bad cause my head’s been hurting all day…

What, you’re tired?  Well, get the girls fed, bathed and to bed and you can go to bed…

Why haven’t you taken anything?  Oh you can’t take much cause your nursing?  Ok, well I’m going to take the last 2 of the pills you can take cause they worked last time…

This may or may not be a slight exaggeration of how things happened, but in my snot filled head it’s how I felt…

So Friday night, when Lillian comes to my room, only 2 short hours after I get a once again not sleeping Laney to bed, crying because he throat hurts I tried my best.  She asked for a cough drop, but because she was going to pass back out I said no.  One I didn’t want her choking and two I didn’t want it falling out of her mouth onto my bed or even worse getting stuck in her hair!  She’s crying and screaming, B comes in, an I’m suggesting different drinks for her (she has had no signs of getting this cold and nothing is wrong other than a sore throat, or at least I had to assume since she wouldn’t answer me with anything other than a high pitched whine).  B goes in the bathroom looking for something, I don’t really know what, I’m assuming medicine, but we don’t have any because she refuses to take it anyway.  So I’m trying to explain to Lilli that crying out like that is only going to make it hurt more.  I become exasperated.  I try to give her a drink and she screams at me “No, I don’t want it!”  So I say to her “Well I don’t know what to tell you if you aren’t going to listen to me.” And I lay back down.  She’s now in my bed next to me crying.  B yells at me for not being nicer.  He says something to her and she calms down enough to watch “her show” and after a half hour we are back to sleep.

I won’t go into the next waking with Laney or my lack of sleep the rest of the weekend, but I feel bad about the way I spoke to her.  But right now, in this moment, my more awake (but not more rested) self would tell her the same thing.

When did I become the one with no patience?  When did B become the one with the compassion?  Last night I wanted to yell at Laney because she wouldn’t stop screaming and I can’t figure out why.  I feel so inept as a mom right now.


  1. I have totally been there! Sleep deprivation plus not feeling good leads to short temper every time. It is so easy to get frustrated when the kids are little and they either can't tell you what's wrong or you can't do anything for them. Don't be so hard on yourself, its just one of those aspects of parenthood that no one tells you about. :)

    1. Thanks Amanda. It's funny how much stuff people don't tell you about. While I do have my moments, I would trade any of it.


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