Loss

I can't imagine losing one of my girls.  I can't imagine the physical pain my heart would feel, my lungs and just my body overall.  When Lilian was born I had a separation anxiety that literally caused me to have chest pains even if B held her for 5 minutes on the couch next to me.  Thankfully with Delaney this has not been so bad.  While I think about them both all day at work and can't wait for that moment I can pick her up and hug her and the look on Lillian's face when I pull in the driveway, I'm doing ok.

While these days we have IRL (In Real Life) friends and "cyber" friends, I think there is a point in which your "cyber" friends can cross over and become your IRL friends.  I consider the girls I met on the What to Expect boards back in 2007 to be my IRL friends.  We talk at least a few times a week and while it might be on the computer and not over the phone, the conversation is the same, and honestly, probably more "real" than what I would have most of my IRL friends because what we talk about is family, kids, relationships, parenting and more.  These are things I don't really talk to my IRL friends about because they are all at different points when it comes to their families.  I have some that their youngest is a tween and some that aren't even beginning to think about having a family.

The point of this post... My friend Heather lost her 5 month old little boy on Friday.  I posted about Landon's arrival here.  He had a shunt put in his pulmonary artery during his first week of life.  After this surgery he developed NEC, and intestinal infection that is very common in heart babies.  Unfortunately Landon's was not caught before it made a perforation in his intestine.  He had to undergo another surgery to remove this part of his intestine.  During the surgery his heart wasn't doing very well so they gave him a "poop bag" and finished the surgery.  Landon did well with the bag and he was eating and gaining weight and was even home for quite some time.  On Friday he went in to have the "poop bag" removed and his intestine repaired.  After several screenings the doctors had determined he was strong enough for this.  But the doctors were wrong.  Little Landon left this world when his shunt became clogged and he lost oxygen to his body during this surgery.

My heart breaks for Heather and her family.  I can not imagine why such great people who have already been through so much would have to lose such a precious little boy.  A little boy that you would never even know had a problem besides being a little small.  I find myself asking why it happened, how could the doctors have let it happen and more.  And then I think about how I would handle life if it was me.  I honestly can't answer that question and I really don't think anyone can until they've been there.  For Heather and her husband I'm sure that their little girl who is Lillian's age will be what keeps them strong.

Her loss has made me wonder why I'm still working.  Why haven't I opened my shop and worked hard enough at it so I can stay home with my girls.  What can I do to spend more time with them and how can I make that time more enjoyable for all of us.

Please say a prayer for Landon and his family to have the strength to get through this hard time.