Top 10 Things AF Should Have Done

So AF arrived and I'm not happy about it. I think I will leave her a list of 10 possible things she can do next month instead of visit me...

10) Visit my mom, she hasn't seen you in quite some time, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you stayed with her for a while so I can become a mommy and her a grandma.

9) Visit my sister, she certainly doesn't need to grow a baby!

8) Go to a Soccer/Basketball/Football/Baseball, any kind of camp and learn how to play the sport. Sports are great exercise and make you feel good about yourself. I'm sure you're self esteem is pretty low with all of us women bashing you all the time.

7) Learn to crotchet or knit. Hobbies are great, gives you something to do rather than empty my uterus month after month.

6) Camping, how much fun would that be?! Maybe some hiking and fishing, you could stay busy for say 9 months on a camping trip!

5) Don't like camping? How about a nice resort in the Caribbean? I'm will to pay for an all inclusive! Food, drinks, even a massage or something.

4) Too hot down south? How about backpacking across Europe? I'm sure that would take you all of 9 months. But no visiting the women there that don't want you either.

3) What if I got you some nice looking cabana boys to go where ever you wanted?

2) Skiing in Aspen? I can arrange it. A nice lodge, fireplace with hot coca and a good book, sounds nice doesn't it?

1) Write a book. For all of us women who want to keep you away for 9 months. Tell us what we can do for you to keep you happy for 9 months so we don't have to keep buying these damn books from other women who obviously don't know what they're talking about. Cause if they did, you wouldn't be here right now! (obviously this isn't true, those women are way more intelligent than myself, they've had kids!)