Nursing

With Lillian I loved every minute of it.  OK, that's a lie.  There was a two week period after she started bottles that I loathed it and almost gave up.  But my determination pulled through.  This time, it's different.  I don't know if it's because with 2 children there is more stress and I want to "relieve" that stress (aka consume massive amounts of alcohol).  Or if it's because I'm even more upset about being a working mom and having to pump more than I actually get to nurse.  If it's because I barely pump what Laney consumes (which I think is because the sitter over feeds her) or something else that I can't even think of right now.

Either way, something changed last week.  I don’t know what it was.  Most times I’m upset I can’t drink and B can because I have to drive, work, feed, don’t have a pump, whatever.  I went on vacation last week prepared!  I had enough frozen milk with me to feed her all week if I wanted to.  We didn’t have a microwave or hot water so I would have had to heat the bottles on the stove, but it was completely doable.  

Guess what; while I did indulge in maybe 6 drinks all week, I nursed Laney 100% on demand the whole time!  I didn’t even really have the urge to drink.  Maybe because I felt like crap the first 4 days we were there, maybe because I HATE pumping, I don’t know.  The one night I thought about indulging, the thought of having to get up to heat water on the stove for her 2am feeding was enough to make it not worth it.  I enjoyed every second of it too.

It didn’t really seem like a big deal, just like it didn’t seem like a big deal for B and Lilli to stay over at another family’s cabin by the fire while I took Laney back for bed.  I had the video monitor, but I normally just stayed, mostly because I didn’t feel well and went to sleep too.

What sucks, is this week, being back at work, only getting to nurse her maybe 3 times a day (including her midnight feeding), and having to pump.  I HATE pumping.  My breasts are tender and nipples too.  Not to mention since feeding her on demand for 9 days straight, you’d think I’d have no problem pumping what she consumes at the sitter, but no.  If I didn’t feed her on one side and pump the other in the morning, I’d never pump enough.  I don’t know if the sitter feeds her just because she starts sucking on her thumb or if she’s mistaking teething signs for hunger, or if Laney drinks the whole bottle just because it’s there, but something is off.

One of my favorite things about nursing is when
she falls asleep with her hand gently resting on me.
Obviously I covered myself up before taking the picture!