Passing Time

It almost feels like time is passing without my knowledge.  How did I get to 21 weeks already?  Things feel so emotionally different this time.  I feel kind of detached or something.  I feel so busy with every day life that I don't have the time to enjoy being pregnant, but that has me wondering, what did I "enjoy" so much last time.

I've started freaking out about picking a name, I have this feeling I will bond better if I have something to call her other than Baby Girl.  Problem is I don't know if I like any of the names.  I went through the entire girls name list on babynames.com and came up with a list of about 30 names to consider.  I've narrowed it down to 15 or so and I think I have a top 5 out of that, but not a one of them has a middle name and my brain feels like mush trying to think of one.

Then this week it hit me.  I have 19 weeks, if I make it to 40 weeks this time.  Since I work full time that pretty much leaves me 19 weekends, which is 38 days to prepare my house for this baby girl.  Considering I have a trip the weekend of Nov 11th, family visiting Nov 10th and 26th weekends and pretty much every weekend in Dec busy due to Holidays, I'm down to only 11 weekends and when you subtract 3 more so every thing is ready by 37 weeks, just in case, I'm down to 8 weekend, that's 16 days!!!  Granted I try and sneak things in here and there, but some of the work will be a whole weekend project, like cleaning my craft and other stuff out of her room and painting and such.  So I finally started looking at bedding this week and realized that I have no idea what I want!

But besides this stress I'm going through now in an effort to not have anxiety later, everything seems to be going well.  Here are some new ultrasound pictures that I got last week when we went back to get her heart and profile views.

The Halfway Point

I sincerely apologize for it taking so long to get to this post.  The last part of the first half of this pregnancy was not a very happy one.  No worries, everything is fine with the baby!  I got my flu shot and confessed about my depression to the midwife.  She has offered a medication that has been tested to be safe in the second trimester, but depending on the doctor they may suggest discontinuing use in the last month of pregnancy to prevent the baby from having any withdrawal symptoms.  She said she would leave the decision up to me if I want to go on it and if in the last month I would want to continue use or not.  The withdrawal doesn't last long, but can cause feeding issues.  I'm still up in the air on how I feel about the whole thing.

My cake balls turned out awesome!  Probably not the prettiest ones, but they sure were yummy!  Strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting and coated with chocolate.  Like heaven in your mouth!

My girls get away was ok.  I was the only one who stayed up past 9, I couldn't eat much and felt sick half the night, but it was nice to relax and not feel like I was being pulled in a million directions.

Sunday Lilli and I spent the afternoon with my sister AKA Pocca.

Sunday night when I went to bed my shoulder was very achy.  I thought that the ache from the flu shot had gone, but I just chalked the pain up to that.  By morning both shoulders my neck and chest were sore and taking deep breaths hurt.  I got up and got ready for work anyway.  I had a supplier coming in that I'm working on a major project with.  By the time I got to my desk I was no longer hoping I could make it, I was sending and email to my boss with all the information he was going to need to run the meeting in my place.  By the time I got home again it hurt just to breath.  And trying to lay down in bed was some of the worst pain I think I have experienced since giving birth.  I slept ALL day.  Yesterday I stayed home again, the pain wasn't as bad, but I knew if I pushed it I wasn't going to get any better.

Also Sunday night as B and I lay in bed, just dozing off, the phone rings.  Everyone knows not to call our house past 8pm. I knew it had to either be a drunk buddy of his or something important.  Considering the person it was we decided to let the machine pick it up.  The message left was just "B, it's T, get a hold of me."  Not odd for the person, just the hour.  5 minutes later the phone rang again, same person.  I decided to let B decide if he wanted to answer it.  He didn't, I found out later he already knew what the message was going to be, but it was "B, it's T again, I'm in Roc with L and they are taking J off his machine."

T is B's cousin and L & J are brothers that have been their friends since childhood.  B actually lived with L & J and their family for a few years growing up.

Turns out he was expecting this call because my FIL had been told by J's mom that they were seeing no brain activity for a while.  J had a rough life, in his early 20s he was diagnosed with brain tumors that wouldn't go away.  This was about 8 years ago, just after B and I met.  May he rest in peace pain free.

Now on to what you are actually reading this post for...

It's a... Girl!

Since there were only 5 votes (that I knew who voted) I decided to enter everyone in the drawing.  Turns out it was a girl vote that won anyway.  Congratulations to Joy!

Send me an email at brandisboutique@gmail.com to talk about your prize!  And if any of the other voters would like a discount on a hat feel free to email me there too!

Well, I think this is long enough for now, I better get some work done!

Productive

In an effort to get myself out of this depression slump this week I've been trying to be productive.  When I get home at night, as much as I just want to go sit on the couch and relax, I have refrained from even sitting.  I sit all day at work, sitting isn't going to make me feel any better. 

Instead this week my nights have generally started off with doing some dishes and then starting dinner.  But in addition to just that, Lilli and I made apple crisp on Monday, Chocolate covered apple slices on Tuesday and yesterday we made the cake for my cake balls and put together the lasagna that is for dinner tonight.

And while my kitchen doesn't look like I've washed a single dish all week, I'm feeling good about the fact that I proved B wrong when he said all our apples would end up going bad, and that I actually followed through on my plan to make a lasagna and not have to wait until 8pm for dinner to eat it!

I also love that Lilli and I have been doing these things together.  She loves to help me cook apparently and I've tried to incorporate learning into it too.  We count the number of times we have to pour the ingredients in and we talk about what colors things are and what they taste and feel like.  Some times her impatience gets to me, but a quick "if you want to help mommy you have to listen" gets her back on track.  She'll then say "OK, I can just hold it" or something like that because normally she's anxious to start dumping things before I'm ready or it's measured.  Last night the big problem was that she had to stop stirring so that I could put the cake batter in the pan to bake it. 

I'm so excited for these cake balls.  Since I'm not using them for the gender reveal like originally planned, I decided to go with strawberry cake under the chocolate coating. 

Don't forget, the gender poll ends at 9:30 tomorrow morning, along with your chance to win a free crocheted hat!  You HAVE to leave a COMMENT along with your vote for me to be able to enter your name into the drawing.  Right now the poll has 7 votes, but I only have 5 names (Jenn, Sunny, Patch Hats, Tory and Joy).  If you are one of the other 2 that has already voted but didn't leave a comment please do so I can get you in the drawing!!!

19 Week Depression

Today's post is going to be more on the serious side.  No one ever thinks that once they finally get what they've been praying for, for almost 2 years, that they would get depressed.  But the truth is, depression doesn't only happen during hard times or with the loss of a loved one.

 

To some one who's never been depressed before, it's a very hard thing to understand.  It's not something you can just "snap out of" or "get over".  Its typically this feeling of seclusion that keeps increasing until you realize that you are depressed.  Most times you find that while you are generally happy with your life, you feel unhappy and like nothing will make you happy.  That probably doesn't make sense to anyone who hasn't been there, but that's what it's like.

 

For example: Right now, besides still having to work every day at a job I don't like, my life is generally happy.  Problem is, I don't feel happy.  I feel like I'm going through the motions and that things are hopeless, even though I know they aren't and that everything is going to be fine. 

 

Most times it's hard to diagnose depression during pregnancy because most doctors will just blame it on the hormones.  I do think hormones make it so much worse.  

 

I feel bad for all those who try to help those who are depressed.  Hearing over and over again that they don't know what's wrong and that there is nothing you can do to help has to be discouraging and sound like they don't want help.  But the truth is, we really don't know what's causing these feelings and that if we knew what would make us feel better, we'd be sure to tell you.

 

REMINDER: Friday at 9:30 the poll for Gender and chance at a free hat closes.  Be sure to leave a comment with your vote!  Just voting doesn't tell me who voted.  I have 5 votes on the poll but only know what 3 people (Sunny, Jenn, PatchHats) voted for.  If you already voted, but didn't leave a comment, leave a comment now.

 



Not in the Mood

In all honesty I just haven't been in the mood to blog lately.  Really I don't know what write about.  Right now it just kind of feels like time is passing by, an rather quickly.  I've been trying to spend every minute I can with Lillian.  I've thought about looking into placenta placement and movement, but really what's the point.  I know baby is ok because I've started to feel daily movements (finally) but they are much different than with Lillian.  Lillian would feel like little pokes or popping bubbles.  This little one feels more like a ball rolling across the front of my uterus.  As long as I keep feeling the movements I'm good though.

 

Plus it's time to get my Boutique stocked for the Holidays and as usual I'm behind!  Plus making custom items for friends and trying to make extra things to send out for pictures.  Not to mention Lillian has grown out of all of her hats from last year so it's time for some new ones.  So I'm off to pretend I'm working...

 

PS - I'm 18 weeks today!!!  Only 10 days until my ultrasound.  Be sure to vote in the poll and leave a comment tell me what you voted for.  You could win a free hat!