Giant Leaps

Yup that's right, we made some major improvements last night, or at least the beginning of some.

My grandparents came over for dinner so this may be part of the reason for such a great night, but that's ok. When I got home I picked up as long as I could before Lillian insisted on being fed. While I fed her B did the dishes, ran to the store and showered. We had a great time visiting with my grandparents and his mom who stopped by. About 7:30 everyone was gone and Lillian was ready to eat again. He actually sat in the living room talking with me while I fed her! Then I suggested that he help me give her a bath, he said ok.

So I took her in her room and he came in and I said why don't you get her undressed (he hates doing anything with her head) He said I really don't like to and I told him well it's that or start running the water. He said I'll do that until I mentioned "I thought you'd be too afraid you'd burn her." He said "You're right, it would probably be too cold, I'll get her undressed". And not surprisingly he did just fine. He brought her in and I was sitting on the side of the tub and he acted like he was going to give her to me. I said go ahead and lay her down, it's just like laying her anywhere else. And he was like "I thought I'd just watch." I said "You can do this, it's not that hard." And he ended up giving his first bath. I actually think he was proud when he was done. I know I was!

Even if he doesn't do these things every night, I think it's important for him to know that he can and to not be afraid to do it.

Starting last Sunday Lillian has started screaming at night when we sit in the rocker to go to bed. She calms some if I get up and walk with her. At first I thought it was from the not pooping, but she has gone at least once a day everyday since Monday and is still acting like this at night. Then I thought, maybe it's the teething. But last night she was absolutely fine until I turned the lights down and sat in the chair. So I decided to try laying her on her play mat. This made her very happy. So basically she just didn't want to go to bed. I let her play for about 15 minutes and then decided that if she wanted to play she could do it in her crib. I put her in her crib, turned on the mobile and left her there. She watched the mobile and stared at her bumper (that she loves) and 20 minutes later she wined that she lost her Binky and wanted to be on her stomach. So I helped her, turned on her seahorse and she was out in 5 minutes! I'm going to try and let her put herself to sleep tonight.

And I got my CD of pics from Penny's yesterday, I'm going to restrict myself from posting them all at once, so here's a taste of my little sweet thing...

Can you believe it was her nap time?

A Small Step

in the right direction.

B was fine with not going to help his friend last night and in fact they had plenty of people to help so there was no need for either of us to feel bad about not helping out a friend. I had talked to our friend Heather in the afternoon and she told me she had a softball game at 6:30. She hadn't met Lillian yet so I suggested to B that we go. He agreed and I told him that those are the types of things we can do with friends as a family. Not go some where and he's off with the guys doing something and I'm sitting with the girls. Anyway, he made dinner and showered while I fed Lillian and then he helped me get her ready to go. We got there early so we went to the playground. I swang with her and he took her down the slide (that didn't slide well). And then she enjoyed her first softball game.

When we got home he tried to take care of Lillian. I had to go to the bathroom really bad so I was trying to tell him things through the door like change her diaper and put her pjs on cause she was asleep but woke up when we brought her in. But he didn't hear me and she fell back asleep on his chest. Well I would have just put her in her crib, but she had pooped so there was no way I was letting her sleep in that all night. After I changed her he was going to put her to bed. And did good, he lasted through a good 15 minutes of her crying before he asked me to take her. And I told him I would and we'd work on it more because there WILL come a time when he needs to be able to put her to bed.

Oddly it even took me quite a while to get her calmed down and asleep last night. For some reason every time we sat in her chair she's start screaming, but if I was standing up she was happy. So that's what I did after several attempts as rocking. He also offered (and did) get her bottles around this morning so that I could shower in stead of having to do it last night.

So far no sign of the chicken pox! And the ped. said there is nothing we can do to prevent it so just keep a close watch.

And I got an email from the bank today, the lady that works for the loan company doing approvals was looking at the 2 person household income limits, not 3 and we fall well with the 3 person income limits. And this is why I love my bank, even after he had set up an appointment for me with another bank he worked to get me what I wanted. As nervous as this little mix up was I'm going back to my bank. For one because he did the extra work and for two, I know that even if my loan gets sold to another bank I will always deal with my bank and they will contact the company that "owns" the loan.

I think that's all for now. Except my grandparents are in town and I'm so excited to see them tonight!!!

These are some edits of a favorite picture, but I'm disappointed that you can't see her blue eyes as well in the smaller picture, I'll have to work on that!

Hit My Limit

I totally hit my limit with B yesterday.

Monday night he went fishing with his buddies from 2 until 9:30 while I took care of Lillian and the dogs and got groceries. Not to mention on top of that Lillian was having the pooping troubles and was pretty much miserable for 2 hours. When he got home at 9:30 it was only to tell me that he had to take his friend home who live a half hour away. I got upset and told him so and he said "why? It's not like I want to take him." I said "Cause I could really use your help, I didn't get to go out and have fun tonight." (the groceries, minus the milk, were still sitting on the floor from 2 hours earlier) and he says to me "Well I didn't have much fun." Like I'm supposed to care, it was his choice to go, not my fault it rained. He came home apologetic.

Yesterday morning he asked me if he can golf this weekend in a tournament. I explained our tight money situation and he kept trying to come up with excuses that he could so finally I said well it's more than about money and I don't want you to. He wrote back to me that it's fine he has to call Tommy (the guy that asked him to golf) about bowling this season anyway. So apparently he's told all his buddies that he's going to bowl with them again this year without even caring what I have to say. We've talked about it several times and he knows I don't want him to, but he's going to do it anyway.After saying he had to call Tommy about bowling we had this text conversation...
Me: You that's something we need to discuss
B: discuss what? how's your day going
Me: bowling, I feel antsy
B: well bowling starts in a month and we already have to find 1 guy so its kinda screwed up, y antsy?
Me: because we need to talk about stuff like bowling and money and other recreations
B:well I don't know
Me: don't know what?
B: about the bowling thing. the $ I save from not smoking should be enough to cover that
Me: Its not about $ completely and I haven't been giving you $ for smokes (I get all the $ then just give him what he needs and pay the bills)
B: whatever
Gee and he wonders why I'm antsy.

That was the last I heard from until I got home. And boy was he miserable! I understand he does physical labor in the heat and its tiring, but that doesn't mean that my job isn't stressful and tiring also. So knowing that I was unhappy he helped me out a lot last night. I even got to take a 20 minute shower and shave my legs and everything, before 9pm!!! But when we went to bed I thanked him for all his help, and said but we still need to talk. I told him I'm hurt, I feel like he never wants to be home and spend time with us. He just got mad at me and basically stopped listening to me. He got out of bed and went and sat on the porch. I followed him. He said something about working all day and being tired and I said I work too, and these days I feel like I work 24/7. He said I don't have to worry about anything anymore and I said that's just it I worry about everything. And then he wouldn't talk to me any more. I didn't even get everything out I wanted to say, but I don't really know if I want to keep this going right now or if I want to just wait and see what happens.

He was ok this morning after he realized he was going to have to be the one to make the first sign of wanting to interact. Then he asked me around 8:30 if we had plans because his friend needs to work on his roof tonight and wants his help and have a cookout. I just wrote him back "whatever, but this is exactly what I'm talking about" He said he doesn't really want to go, but said he would ask. I feel torn cause I want him to help his friend, I like his friend and his family, but I want my family time. I told him I don't want to go I want family time and especially if Lillian needs to get a shot today.

Oh yeah I almost forgot, Lillian was exposed to chicken pox on Monday, the little girl was holding her so it was a close exposure. And on top of that she's teething.

And to add to the stress when I got to work this morning I had an email saying the loan for the house may be falling through because we make too much money.

And I thought today was going to be better...

Ahh and all is right with the world again, at least until I close this page!

The sad side

Along with the wonderful news yesterday of my friends pregnancy came the realization that there is one of us still waiting.

See back in Sept. 07 I joined the "What to Expect" Trying to Conceive forum. Upon joining I made some wonderful acquaintances and some even more wonderful friends. We had a tight knit group that went through a lot of ups and downs. Along with me a few of the girls suffered from miscarriage, some of them more than one. Others just needed a little boost in egg production, and a few other needed IUIs and IVF. 2009 has been a great year for all of us, except the one girl with the "Perfect Cycles". Every month we'd look at her charts and think wow, you timed things perfectly and this has to be it. But month after month she was disappointed. And sadly 2 years later she is still getting disappointed, she is suffering from male infertility. Her first IVF failed and she has just started her first FET.

Even though she is so happy for the rest of us her heart is still aching and she is feeling alone. I can understand that. I'm not going to pretend I know what its like to go through IVF or the thought of it never working, but my heart aches for her.

Please keep Murgdan in you prayers, thoughts, or whatever your preference, she could use some support right now. And she was always the one to lift us up when we were down.

Just another Manic Monday...

First I have to start with saying CONGRATULATIONS!!! to a wonderful and deserving couple, Dawn and Al, Dawn and I began trying around the same time and it has taken her 3 IUIs and 5 IVFs to get pregnant. I'm wishing her a happy and healthy 9 months and beyond!


As for me, it's going to be a busy day, lots of things to get done. First and most importantly is to call the pediatrician. My poor little girl hasn't had a bowel movement in a week now. I wasn't really paying attention since her normal had become every two days, but when she got fussy last night and started eating less more often I thought about it and her last messy diaper was last Sunday. No wonder the poor girl is uncomfortable. I feel so bad for her, but she's such a wonderful baby that she's all smiles unless she gets in a position that makes her uncomfortable.

**UPDATE**
Talked to the pediatrician's nurse and he said to give her 4 Tbls prune juice in 4oz breast milk 4 times today. And to coninue tomorrow if she still hasn't gone. If she has gone back down to 3 Tbl in 3 bottles and then one less bottle every day until she doesn't get it any more. He also said that if she hasn't gone by tomorrow afternoon that they want to see her. So here's hoping it works!
**UPDATE**

**UPDATE ON UPDATE**
It worked!!! She didn't like it and Nana had to trick her by switching between bottles, but she's already had a bowel movement and is much happier!
**UPDATE ON UPDATE**

I got our portraits back from Penny's but I'm really upset because they didn't put the CD I paid for in the envelope. So now I have to call and complain about that! Also have to do other little things like call around looking for a sitter and paying the hospital bills from having my little angel!


Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday!

Not the greatest quality has I had to brighten it, but I just love her expression...

Choose one...

Thanks... or
When it counts.... or
The Ponytail... or
A Working Moms Hygiene... or
Are You Serious?

First off thanks for all the wonderful comments over the last few days. I've been very irritated and it's been great to know that it's not just me being a spoiled bitch. And I am feeling a little better today.

Which brings me to title number 2... When It Counts...
I went home from work at 11 yesterday, but because I'm me I first stopped to get a Creamsicle Smoothie for my sore throat (and being a nice daughter I got one for my mom too) and I stopped to see my mom and signed my bank papers. I was feeling a little worse so I decided not to take them to the bank and stop at the Library like I originally planned though. I went home, pumped, ate and went to bed where I slept until 4 when B got home. He woke me up asked if I wanted him to get Lilly and then went and got her. I fed her laying down when they got home and then Daddy took her to the new house to walk around the woods and see if they could see signs of deer. I ordered a calzone and ice cream (2 pints cause I couldn't decided between Cookie dough and Peanut Butter Cup). Is it bad I ordered that Calzone just cause they deliver Ben and Jerry's? So I ate and pumped and went back to the bed. I was just dozing off again when they got home. My little girl was hungry so I fed her again and B told me they only walked around the yard because he was afraid there might be bugs in the woods and he didn't want her to get bit up. (Made mommy very happy!) So she ate and fell asleep. That's when I realized it was 8 and her bed time. I got her ready for bed, read to her and put her down, she was asleep by 8:15. I had some ice cream and NyQuil (no not together) and was passed out by 8:45 I'm feeling better this morning and I'm really happy that B stepped up some when it counted. I would have like him to wash the bottles and do the dishes, but I'm not gonna complain, we'll take baby steps. But me going to bed so early brings me to the next two titles...

The Ponytail and A Working Mom's Hygiene...
The ponytail has become a staple of my daily attire for so many reasons. First off it's easy to do and you don't even really need to brush your hair if you can get the outside to look flat. Two, it hides the fact that my hair is in desperate need of a cut. And lastly, but most importantly it hides my complete lack of personal hygiene. Yes it has been two days since I've had a shower and I feel gross, but guess what I ran out of time yet again this morning. Don't get me wrong I don't stink or anything, my hair just looks gross and I feel like a dirt bag. But hey I've washed my face cause I'd rather just look like a normal dirt bag than a pubescent dirt bag... I really can't wait for tonight when I can stay up later to shower because I don't have to worry about getting up in the morning. My daughter is wonderful and sleeps in on the weekends too! So yup, I'm a dirt bag today and proud of it! My daughter is clean and healthy and totally worth it!

And lastly....
Are You Serious???
All I can say is I've been through the frustration of having to pop the binkie back in every 5 minutes, but it would never bring me to this!!! How many things can you come up with that could go wrong???
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Binky-Buddy/115232326978?v=info&viewas=722319774#/pages/Binky-Buddy/115232326978?v=wall&viewas=722319774

Friday?

Is it Friday yet???

So yesterday afternoon I started to get a scratchy throat. I pretty much ignored it, but within a few hours it was horrible. Now I feel like crap this morning, my whole head is starting to hurt and I really just want to climb back in bed, is it Friday afternoon yet?

A few bullets to sum up the last 24 hours...

~ I feel like crap!
~ Mortgage approval is looking good so far
~ B vacuumed last night! Of course it was after I told him he couldn't go look for deer because it needed to be done.
~ Then B napped and I was left to tend to dinner and Lillian
~ I let dinner get a little over done cause Lillian wanted to eat and I wanted to teach B a lesson
~ I put Lillian in her crib before she was really ready last night and told B he had to get her to sleep. He did with minimal frustration, I took NyQuil and went to bed at 8:30!
~ NyQuil didn't work, I feel worse this morning.
~ Why do I think of all the stuff I need to do when I'm sick?
~ Lillian's pictures should be in at Penny's, but that's a half hour drive
~ My library book I requested is in and needs to be picked up
~ I have papers I need to sign and take to the bank...

My poor brain can't handle everything else, hope everyone has a great day!

Finding the Words...

I don't know if I can even begin to explain to you how I felt last night. Its kind of strange because I wasn't as upset as the night before, but then again that may just be cause I had let out some of the frustration already.


After picking Lillian up from the sitter's we went to visit with her Nana, who thankfully agreed to watch her again until I can find permanent day care. B called while we were there to say he was home and getting in the shower. So we headed home. B was just getting in the shower, but Nana had given her a bottle so she let me take care of the pumped milk and then we played, but she decided she was still hungry so she ate some more. By the time she was finished it was 6:30 and B had fallen asleep on the couch. So I put her in her exersaucer so I could start making dinner. B woke up though when I smashed my finger in the lazy susan cupboard door. He got me ice and went back to the couch. I said to him "you can take her in there and play with her if you want" he says "well I can't lift that thing with her in it." And I told him "just slide it on the floor" so he did. He played with her for a while and then said to me "I think she's getting tired." So I gave him the option of giving her a bath or watching dinner in the oven and doing the dishes. He chose dinner. Sop I got her ready for bed and dinner was just coming out of the oven. Of course now she wanted to eat. So B looks at me and says do you mind if I eat? I said "no, but if you get my food I can eat too." So he gets my food, but brings me a knife to cut my own meat. Whatever, I eat my potatoes and when she is done eating I ask him to take her so I can finish eating. He reluctantly took her because he's never put her to bed before so he doesn't know how she likes to be held or anything, so I set him up and went back to my dinner. And believe it or not she fell asleep! I thanked him and took her to bed. Then I went out to the kitchen and started doing dishes (from dinner and the bottles cause he didn't do those). He came out and apologized for not doing them. Then he grabbed a pudding and went back to the livingroom. After a few minutes I hear Lillian screaming and I look at him and say "Is she crying?" And he looks at me and says "Oh yeah". I was pissed, she never screams like that because I don't let her wake up enough to scream like that, all she wants is her binkie back and she isn't doing that herself yet. But at any rate, he was in the livingroom with the monitor and I was in the kitchen standing in front of an air conditioner running on high and running water and I heard her but he didn't? I don't even know the words to explain how upset I was with him. She never just starts screaming like that. I didn't say anything though cause I probably would have said some things I couldn't take back and it would have been bad. I showed him how to calm her down and went back to the dishes. He got her calmed down and back to sleep and came out and said "I'm going to bed, are you coming?" I had just started washing the bottles and I said "No I have to finish this and then shower." He's like "you're showering? Why, just wait til morning." Me, "Umm I'm showering cause it's been almost 2 days and I'm gross and I don't have time in the morning." Do you think he offered to finish the bottles? Nope definitely not! He was asleep when I got out of the shower...


Sorry for the rants two days in a row, I promise I'll stop and have something happy tomorrow, I hope, I meet with the bank today.


Here's another eyefull of my cutie pie...

Everything Wrong and Something Right

Well last night was horrible! A little back ground of my day... I played phone tag with the bank guy most of the day and the last message he left me was "I've asked Tom (the realtor) for some more information before we move forward. I want to make sure the insurance company will accept the property before we do too much because they don't always accept it." Yeah not what I wanted to hear. Then B took it that I was ok with him going fishing because "they'd probably be back pretty early cause the kids were going". Well whatever at that point I was ticked no matter what so I just let him go.

So I picked Lillian up from the sitter and I was a little upset to see that she still had her long sleeves and pants on (it was 80 yesterday!), I had put them on over her other shorts jumper cause it was only 60 when we left in the morning., but whatever. She was very tired and kinda cranky. We stopped to see my mom on the way home cause she had called. Well while I was in with my mom the bank guy called again. Then I get home (it's not even 2 minutes away from my mom) and the dogs are jumping all over and Lillian's crying cause she's tired and hungry and I've got to pee so bad. So I leave her in her seat and go to the bathroom and send B a text asking if he let the dogs out while he was home, nope! So when I'm doing going to the bathroom I'm trying to put my milk away and the bottle she didn't drink, she's crying, I start crying and I'm trying to let the dogs out and get the message the bank guy left in case I need to call before they close. I finally sent B a text saying "Gee thanks" And told him I can't take care of everything on my own and that's why he needs to be home at night. He says he knows and he's sorry. So the night goes on, I feed her and we play a little and I get her in her exersaucer long enough to do the dishes. Now she's done with that and wants mommy. We play for about 5 minutes and she starts screaming at me, it's about 7 and time to eat again. When she's done eating we start watching Finding Nemo and I realize she's about to fall asleep so I put her jammies on her a little early. But she starts dozing off and then screaming over and over. Finally a little after 8 the gas meds start to work and I get her down and she's out. So I start making dinner and B calls "do you know who won the race." I said "No?" "Didn't you get my text?" Me, "umm, no" B "well apparently you're miserable." Me, "No, I'm ok, what time do you think you'll be home?" B "well it will be late now that I know you're in a terrible mood." I lost it, I just started bawling. He got pissed said something rude and I just said bye and hung up. After 5 minutes of bawling my eyes out I sent him a text saying "I don't know what I did to deserve that but thanks for making a rough night even worse". It really irritated me too that after telling him everything that was going on earlier he even asked me to find out who won the race. Anyway I composed myself and continued cooking dinner and he called back and apologized. He said he didn't know Lillian wasn't feeling good and wanted to know if she was ok and so on. Then he said they'd be home in a little bit. He called again around 9:30 saying they were leaving. So I ended up passing out before he got there and I didn't hear a thing all night. I woke up with a pounding headache from crying so hard last night and it won't go away. Then this morning I told him he shouldn't leave the boat propped up the way it is cause if the dogs wrap the cable around the board holding it up it could fall on them and kill them (break their back or something), but I made sure to watch them last night. He said to me "well you could have put it down last night, it's not that heavy." And this just got me upset all over again this morning!

If you're still reading, sorry for the long rant but I had to get it off my chest...

Oh and the good news is the last message from the bank was that he got the info he needed and he's confident the insurance company and bank with accept the property!

And now for something else that makes me happy...

We Got It!!!

Well as you know we found the house we wanted to make an offer on. I talked to the bank and the realtor on Friday and things were looking good. We planned to meet with the realtor on Saturday to finalize the offer and sign it. Well, because nothing can be easy, this didn't happen. We met first thing Sunday morning and he faxed the offer to the guy at 10:00am. We told them the offer would only be good until 6pm. They called the realtor back within and hour saying they accepted the offer!! We are so excited, I can't believe we are going to own our own home and our own land! According to the contract, the closing should be no later than Sept. 30. I just can't wait to start moving! I finally feel like things are falling together!

As for Lillian, she's rolling over (front to back) a lot now. I tried all weekend to get it on video, but she wouldn't have it. If I leave the room she'll be rolled over when I get back, but no way can I catch it on camera!